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vent! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠) tw in pinned

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

pronouns: he/them
tw: sh, ed, suicidaI ideation
severely: mentally ill

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Baloons

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Still kind of sad I lost my acc with 12k+ tweets

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Hily shit I got back into this account I thought I lost it forever, I logged in with a different email and it worked?? I forgot the username too I thought it was banned

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Like . Exactly my type

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

anyways one of the nurse techs at the ward was a doppelganger of the person I used to be obsessed with

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

things are gonna be okay, even if I'm struggling a lot (and have been for a while)

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Got me access to some help though. I don't want to die, I don't want to feel like I want to die all the time anymore

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Oh yeah went to the hospital again

Didn't technically get inpatient just observation for 72 hours

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

which has led me to the point of smoking cigs and listening to music in my car alone. It's nice. It's misty out too

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

coping mechanisms: smoking cigarettes, cutting, listening to music, taking a walk, watching videos/streams to distract myself

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Testosterone has allowed me to angry again. Angry at others. For treating me like shit. Kind of a good thing. If it won't make me hated even more. Fuck

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

It will be the fault of the people who openly hate me when I am dead

I hate myself more than anyone else possibly could

But goddamn if the hatred of others doesn't fuel my self hatred

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Why do people hate me so much, genuinely?

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

And a third cigarette

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

trying to use coping mechanisms to stop myself from killing myself

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

And walking around campus at midnight

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Chesterfield reds

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

smoked my first cigarette. Then another one

[^⁠_⁠^ @diesmelior]

Discovered the Usefulness of butterfly bandages (aka whatever tape I can find)