dilon

My social security number is: 420-69-0420

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

#drakefromstatefarm

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Really frustrated because I'm hitting almost peak aesthetic right now and my goddamn phone is nOT DOING ME JUSTICE

plz i just want to take hot selfies. so i can look back on them when i'm older. or in a few years from now. or the next time i don't feel good. or tomorrow

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Guess who started tying his docs

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

As I sit here, new electric appliance in hand, I realize I’ve officially gotten to that point in life where I simply cannot understand these instructions and I want to hand this appliance to the nearest young person and go “Here you figure it out.”

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

This is the first Christmas Matt and I have spent together.

So far we woke up this morning to me sobbing uncontrollably due to period pain and now he’s playing Doom with the volume up at 60 and occasionally nudging me to make sure I’m still breathing.

What should we do next?

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Also I would like to stress this holiday party is on Zoom

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

The EST holiday party has become a show and tell in which we've seen a 2020 Trash Fire ornament and a 6 pack of special not USA produced toothpaste

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Fellow New Yorkers, settle an issue for my brother and I. His new girlfriend, who spent a lot of her life in NY, claims that the best and ONLY condiment to put on hotdogs is mustard.

My brother and I disagree. We say ketchup.

Thoughts?

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Things we learned today: My boyfriend can’t recognize his own name

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

I know I’m late to the game but WHAT is this newest season of TGBBS.....

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Update: pole broke

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

I have used the fishing pole in this fucking river now not once, not twice, but five times and all I'm getting is rocks and tires.

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

I have used the fishing pole in this fucking river now not once, not twice, but five times and all I'm getting is rocks and tires.

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Going on hour 3 of waiting on getting a COVID test. This guy walks past the person in front of me and goes, “Big line huh.”

You know I hadn’t noticed

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Men talking over each other in the Zoom production meeting.

Zoom doing its due diligence and cutting out all the sound so no one can hear anyone.

Men both stop talking.

Awkward silence from all.

Men both start talking over each other again.

Large sigh from Zoom.

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

My last dentist sneezed in my mouth and died a month later so...

Yeah I can, in fact, imagine that

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

"People can't read? That's not my problem."

- My mother

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

I AM NOT. MY BOYFRIEND’S. SECRETARY.

It’s not up to me to make sure he texts you back or makes plans with you. If the dude is ignoring you he’s ignoring you for a reason. He is his own person. He can deal with the fallout. Stop texting me to make plans with him.

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Conmertial: “How do you heal a broken heart? ...”

M: “Liquor and exercise.”

Conmertial: “Of a two year old?”

M: “Op. Well...”

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

Y’all ever just thrust into your partner so hard while he’s cooking breakfast that his head goes into the stovetop hood?

No?

Cool...cool...

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

91 -
We totally vibbed the second I met you. I knew from that moment that you were always going to be someone I got along with and who would always understand me even when I’m not being clear. You have this innate ability to really hear people when they talk and really listen

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

♥️ this tweet and I will write something about you!

[dilon @dilon_sanchez]

11 -
You have insatiable drive and this fantastic ability to completely capture your audience when you are performing. You feel everything deep within you and your eyes are the most expressive and you commit whole heartedly to the role. It’s mesmerizing to watch you perform