Laurence Shemper

[Claire Penis @ZeroSuitCamus]

Every Eminem song is like “I’m Eminem, they or them, masc or femme, my ass has dreamt of sexy men for decades and, now that I’m they, I can, be gay (Em, when?) all day (amen) I pray that I can spray my cum (I’m gay) again, remember em’s they/them (ehem), I need a femb

[Statue from 1000BC with Laughable Tiny Dick @necrobranson]

(French DJ voice) I just want to say... To all ugly and dumb people. Stupids... I just want to say to you that YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL! (Beat kicks in)

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

Me: I could sure go for a low pressure sexual partnership with a trusted female friend for the duration of our stay in this town
Reacher: You said it, my man. You always know what’s on my mind

[andrew @intellegint]

{Leonard Cohen - Suzanne voice}
And she wants to make you a sandwich
so she takes you into her kitchen
and she gives you a nice soda
and you know you want to drink it

[Laurence Shemper @dingrahawords]

@intellegint My man

[Laurence Shemper @dingrahawords]

@NWSAlbany Thank you NWS Albany have a good weekend

[Laurence Shemper @dingrahawords]

@chiweethedog Earl gets pretty fuckin short shrift too come to think of it

[JOE GLEASON @J0EGLEAS0N]

This is no ordinary broom…

[Laurence Shemper @dingrahawords]

@McCormickJohn @RahmEmanuel John many thanks! any personal thoughts on how Rahm Emanuel tried to cover up Chicago police murdering a teenager and then ended his tenure as mayor in disgrace with a catastrophic approval rating? Do you think he’s ‘done the work’ to overcome helping cover up a murder?

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

The other reindeer describing Rudolph

https://t.co/RoL4MoVsBV

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

liberal Christians and conservative Jews love talking about how the winter gift giving holidays in either religion aren’t actually that theologically important. ok? well it’s important that you’re a pussy who’s never had a holiday season romance or given a daring present!

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

@darth_erogenous ORC DANNY BROWN: Put the hai in the uruk // Green pussy with da syrup // Bruiser roll up on ya camp and eat the ass of the women (squad!)

DWARF 2010 KANYE WEST: (playing every synthesizer note at once) My bitch small like soy sauce

[Darth Erogenous @darth_erogenous]

ORC KENDRICK: I craft my blade i try to slay mistakes i made. you aint been underground like me. you aint laid out of sin like me. Green skin, dollar tint, dick long, money spent {Soulful beat switch} These caves dont hold secrets..

ELF DRAKE: How I always lose U in these woods

[Caleb Pitts @calebpitts1997]

They said they Wanna see the toys 🤥😹 OK then 💯🙈🙉

[Guild Wars Reforged @GuildWars]

Guild Wars launched 20 years ago, starting a franchise that's helped shape the #MMORPG genre. On Dec 3, Guild Wars Reforged launches!
✅ Steam Deck verified 🎮 Controller support ✨ Visual updates and more!
🔗 https://t.co/0kAihLX7w3

#GuildWarsReforged #GuildWars20

[DVS @DVSblast]

COSTUME 2: GUY ON YOUR BLOCK WHO DONT KNOW BOUT NO "HALLOWEEN", HE JUST GOT OFF WORK

[carl 🥦 @NightlifeMingus]

🌬💨🌨💨🌨🌨🌨💨🌨🌨💨
💨🌨🌨💨💨🗻❄️🌨🌨💨🌨
🌨💨❄️💨⛩🦧⛩💨❄️🌨🌨
❄️💨🌨🏔🪨🪨🪨🏔❄️❄️💨
💨❄️🏔🪨🌲🪨🪨🪨🏔💨❄️
❄️⛰🌲🪨🪨🌲🌲🪨🧗⛰❄️
⛰🌲🪨🌲🌲🪨🌲🌲🪨🌲⛰

[Laurence Shemper @dingrahawords]

@dangerousneil Meowth that’s right

[morbidly obeast @STRONG_PlSS]

Though I may not like him, I need Chad on my side.

–The Pragmatic Incel

[andrew @intellegint]

The National is made for guys to sit in their car alone at night while wearing a cool jacket and thinking of women they were dipshits to