AK

I refuse to be held personally liable for anything I say or post on here.

[AK @dinkykinky]

Watching a special on Pompeii, and they keep trying to play it like a true crime like "you have to wonder what happened to the residents of this house"

Very famously, the giant volcano happened to them

Anyways they found them deathed by volcano in the house

[AK @dinkykinky]

Does anyone know how to get Temu to stop sending you an order? I got one hideous Turkey sweatshirt and i now have 15. They wont stop sending it to me.

[AK @dinkykinky]

@Evony_JP 13

ID 213143241

[AK @dinkykinky]

Still cry laughing at the memory of my brother's high-school summer book annotation assignment where he underlined the word ship and wrote "I didn't know this book was about pirates!!" halfway through The Odyssey

[gabe @allgarbled]

i’m starting a silent group chat. if you ever send a message, we will kick you out. silence only.

it will be a refuge, a holy place.

reply to this tweet if you want to join

[AK @dinkykinky]

@dieworkwear *34 year old but yes

[Pete Kiehart @Kiehart]

Kansas City friends: I’ll be speaking in Overland Park on Tuesday about my work in Ukraine, please come! Details below.

[AK @dinkykinky]

Me, to a client, attempting to have one singular normal human interaction: "How have you been?!"

Them, a masterclass in small talk: "well I've finally stopped peeing myself"

That's a fantastic development. Congrats. No context necessary. Love this No pee pants era you're in!

[AK @dinkykinky]

Love wearing a bow as an adult woman because you tread that fine line between "does she love accessories? or is she unhinged?" And you get treated with a healthy fear, like a gun that they don't know is loaded or empty

[AK @dinkykinky]

There are 113 Schnucks in the US midwest but if you search "shady schnucks" the internet knows exactly who you are talking about

[AK @dinkykinky]

@jcourtway11 Upon further questioning he seems to be hoping the tracking will give him a period. Which he appears to want out of sheer curiosity.

[AK @dinkykinky]

Opening Christmas presents with the family. My dad just informed me that he recently set up his apple watch to track his menstrual cycle to "see what happens"

[AK @dinkykinky]

Having your ass hurt from just sitting too long is so embarrassing. Like we weren't even doing anything, calm down

[philip matarese @philorphilip]

As an alpha male, I rebuke rollercoasters. I will not be jostled and flown along a silly track according to another man's engineering. Flipping around some pervert's dream. And what if I squeal??

[AK @dinkykinky]

A fun physics fact is that when you go to pick up an unwilling cat & they roll into their side &/or back they are inducing a change in their gravitational circumstances that causes their weight to increase up to 5x while retaining the same physical mass @neiltyson

[trash jones @jzux]

benadryl: oh you’ll go to sleep alright

me: awesome! and then i’ll wake up?

benadryl: in a sense

[gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi]

My books looking at me as twitter burns to the ground

[Kendall Roy, Analyst 1 @RoyCoCEO]

My value add: saying “thanks guys” at the end of a call after not speaking the entire meeting

[AK @dinkykinky]

My hot take on documentaries is that if over 50% of the screen time is given to the presenter rather than the subject it's probably more entertainment than fact

[IG: closedapp @ih8rts]

Every day around midnight, I'm shocked to find out it's only 6pm