Dick's JokeOfTheDay

A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously. Posting a joke every day since 2014!

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

Jill took Joe to the doctor for a checkup. The doc pulled her aside and said we’re not sure if he has Aids or Alzheimer’s. Jill asked what should she do. The doc told her: “Drive him 5 miles out of town and drop him off. If he finds his way home don’t fuck him.” #BidenCancer

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

French actor Gerard Depardieu was found guilty of sexually assaulting two women on a film set and only received an 18-month suspended sentence. Basically he got a slap on his dick. When asked how he felt about that he said he was very happy… he usually had to pay extra for that.

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

The church was named Good News. Hundreds of members died in a cult massacre. Now it’s No News. So there you go… No News is Good News. https://t.co/wcSRUpFu9f

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

Mike Johnson was just elected speaker of the house. Listen, anytime a Johnson can get in I’m for it. https://t.co/4W6b8buqVN

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

Just heard that Elon Musk is changing the name of Twitter to X. He asked for some suggestions for a new logo. Thought I’d take a shot. #TwitterX #TwitterLogo #ElonMusk

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

With all the controversy over swimwear at #Target you’d think they would have at least spelled it right. It’s not #tuckfriendly - it’s dick-friendly. https://t.co/daVkhbQFeS

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

Use of #genderneutral #pronouns shouldn’t be controversial. If some dude thinks he’s a girl and wants to be addressed as they… that’s perfect. Clearly “they” is suffering from some type of mental disorder, so it’s totally appropriate to say: “They is out of his fuckin’ mind.”

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

What is a woman? Easy… three words… adult human female. Wait… one more… whore. #WhatIsAWoman https://t.co/jLRjmfLZF8

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

With all the controversy over swimwear at #Target you’d think they’d at least spell it right. It’s not tuck-friendly - it’s dick-friendly. https://t.co/4W6b8buqVN

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

A girl walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Give me a double entendre." So he gave it to her. #jokes https://t.co/OJlGkHDm28

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

I'm feeling a bit more mature these days so I wasn't embarrassed walking into the drug store to buy condoms. That is, until the woman behind the counter advised me, 'Save your money -- buy a lottery ticket.' #jokes https://t.co/oeNp6WvJru

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

A guy from America asked the gal from Sweden to dance at the college fraternity party. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call that a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too." A little #jokes https://t.co/mPvXq34y21

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady walked up, saying: "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?" "My grandfather lived to be #jokes https://t.co/gG9n6VMRjL

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

Shop The Dick Store Hard to find gifts that are hard when you find them! Bachelorette party central. #jokes https://t.co/k5hIXjoF07

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

#WTF?! Guys whacks off in co-worker's water bottle, video goes viral, gets arrested. What did he expect? A raise? Community Policing (CP) members chased down and arrested a man who is believed to have masturbated and ejaculated into a hotel staff's #jokes https://t.co/k2G7dUUTm2

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously. Hi, I'm Dick Johnson, owner and webmaster of the infamous web site Dick Joke Of The Day. And yes... that's my real name... NO JOKE! You don't have to remind me that both my first and last name are a reference https://t.co/L8dt9q6CBs

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay fifty bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face. #jokes https://t.co/mVKfUmrFxK

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

#WTF?! One Kentucky Fried Chicken customer claims he was served a deep-fried rat. What... only one? Surely this can't be true. There has to be more customers... and more rats! We call foul. This kind of complaint is an insult to rats! California sec #jokes https://t.co/2Ppb1Kc8qB

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

A guy goes to see his doctor. In the exam room the doctor asks, "What brings you here today?" The guy says, "Before I show you, you have to promise not to laugh." The doctor nods, and the guys pulls down his pants and reveals an incredibly small pen #jokes https://t.co/r7IJ8WGKlM

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

A husband gets home from his day in court on a traffic offense and his wife asks: "So, how did it go?" The husband replies: "Well honey, I ended up in front of Judge Calloway, you remember, the judge who married us. Turns out he remembered me too... #jokes https://t.co/YPKuChC1iq