Michelle

dogs hate me and mosquitos love me i am the antichrist

[Michelle @djshellshell]

oh u have constructive criticism for me? that’s absolutely ~none of my business~ pls keep it 2 urself

[Michelle @djshellshell]

i have 2 limit my time on social media because the amt of ppl in comment sections who don’t understand satire genuinely stresses me out

[Michelle @djshellshell]

do you think ghosts sit around a campfire and tell human stories?

[Michelle @djshellshell]

some guy said “u have very nice hair” as he walked by me tn, so now i like have a boyfriend?!

[Michelle @djshellshell]

tell me something worse than being halfway through ur drink and noticing something is floating in it tho

[Michelle @djshellshell]

ya but what happens if u have a kid and they end up being someone who comments “not funny” on vids… personally can’t take that risk

[Michelle @djshellshell]

if u haven’t almost lost friendships while playing catan then u r playing incorrectly

[Michelle @djshellshell]

fck ur zodiac sign, what kinda crackers do u put on a charcuterie board

[Michelle @djshellshell]

“a toot is shit’s messenger” - mama row

[Michelle @djshellshell]

based on some of my fb posts from 12 years ago i could not be more pleased that tiktok and insta did not exist at that time 🙏

[Michelle @djshellshell]

if u invite me to an event during mercury retrograde i simply will not go and also if u invite me to an event any other day of the year i will not go nothing rly special about this scenario

[Michelle @djshellshell]

lady in the mcdons drive thru told me the colour of my sweater looked rly nice on me so i have actually hit my peak in life and will gracefully accept whatever shall happen hereafter

[Michelle @djshellshell]

(snapshot) 8am on city transit:
an old man cracks a beer. a baby cries. high schoolers yell at decibels previously unheard of. someone hacks up a lung in the distance. a couple who hasn’t slept in days don trendy sunglasses.
(everything is right in the world)

[Michelle @djshellshell]

fellas is it a mental illness to want kfc from time to time?

[Michelle @djshellshell]

from extensive research i have done (scrolling insta at least 1 hr/day), the trick to taking a break from social media is to come back on once day with a post to remind ppl ur taking a break and to get outside and live their lives :)

[Michelle @djshellshell]

might fck around and make myself the background of my own phone tbh

[Michelle @djshellshell]

yall ever shit ur pants on public transit? i haven’t but someone on this train knows a thing or 2 about it

[Michelle @djshellshell]

me staring at a call coming in on my phone: if it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail

also me: *has not checked voicemails for 30 business days*

[Michelle @djshellshell]

used 2 think “oh i hate city transit soOo much” but just found out it’s actually just the general public i hate #ihopeitscoldagainsopeoplestartdrivingtoworkandleavemealone #crotchinurface9timesoutof10 #andthatsnothowuwannastarturday

[Michelle @djshellshell]

wasn’t feeling well at work today so going to bed super early tn and by going to bed super early tn i mean watching 5 episodes of pressure cooker and going to bed later than usual