Daniel John Smith

Comic and proud child to three Sumatran tigers.
Half of @DrugofChoice3

Queer, He/him

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

Me: Well, I guess it's time to break the seal

A Seal: please, I don't know anything

Me: tell us where the second bomb is, you watery fuck

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

The number of bots that follow me has gone from 0 per day to 1 per day - thanks Muskrat

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

I love towels, but I don't think towels love what we do with them. This is one of many reasons we should not put AI in towels

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

@metlinkwgtn it's funny how in most places a bus timetable is a promise of where and when a bus will be, but for you guys it's more of a vague idea of when a bus could exist but usually doesn't

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

@mxwellnz A good thing - people love funny lectures

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

i guess it's just one of those days
*puts Fergalicious on repeat*

[Got CTE from playing Peek-a-Boo @doulbedoink]

[cumming on someone’s face] Say ‘when’

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

@FreyaDalySad First guitar is for first wedding. You only get *this*

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

My friend thinks of Men In Blacks as 'Tommy Lee Jones films'
"oh yeah! Will Smith is in those as well.. crazy"
Love this

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

@fateofisen @TheReaganMorris [photoshopped picture of five mario hats in a stack]
(I'm lazy)

[Nikki Nasty @nicolerafiee]

my true and authentic self knows how to do a backflip. but my body does not. how disgusting and sad is that?

[jame @kloogans]

too many generic kid names like "chris" and "jake" out there. if i had a son i'd name him something bad ass. like "the shovel"

[luke warm tweets @lukejarret]

me: umm actually that’s Frankenstein’s Monster

friend: oh my bad *puts down energy drink*

Frankenstein: don’t sweat it bro

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

@FreyaDalySad Love rice, but kill it, not versatile enough.
Marry potato because it's got the variety to last through the years.
Fuck pasta, cause that's macaroni-in-a-pot

[marrowing @marrowing]

I love all of elon musk's products
- exploding car
- moron tunnel
- paperweight spaceship
- forsaken by god robot

[Daniel John Smith @djsmithereens]

Epic line up tonight at Dope As Sunday Comedy, just fyi
https://t.co/tmb81YPncp

[Leah Tiscione @LeahTiscione]

Why are they called kegels and not pussups