Dark Matter Humor

Dark subject matter comedy by dark and twisted comedians.

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

Fire hoes = chicks who sleep with lots of fire fighters.

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

Put your phone down and flash your titties! #saveLivesDriveTo

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

I feel like I worked real hard today... I wiped my asshole super clean! #cleanAsshole

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

I think my house just farted. #chandler #earthquake

[Mak 🗡 @yungmuh]

RT if you're a 2015 earthquake survivor 😩👌🏼🙌🏼💯

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

@patmaine right?!? Wtf?!?

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

Qotd: "I'm not a conspiracy theorist, I'm just smart." ~someone who's smart

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

My spank bank is Twitter.

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

How do you tell a woman she has bad breath without being an a-hole? #halitosis #gingivitis #washYoFace

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

My dick jokes kill & my dick creates life. I better not tell my dick jokes to a fetus. That would turn this dick joke into an abortion joke.

[Dark Matter Humor @DMHumor]

I'm black from the waste down. Because when I masturbate, instead of lotion I use black-face.

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

Am I the only one that does an occasional random loop thru a parking lot to make sure I'm not being tailed? #imNotParanoid #Really #iSwear

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

I can tell it's time to shave again when it get's difficult to get a clean wipe.

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

I took a wellness survey at work today and earned a $50 reward. I celebrated by getting McDonald's for lunch. #trueStory

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

Just driving down the road spraying DNA onto the highway. #hockingLugis #spittingIntoTheWind #getYourMindOuttaTheGutter

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

It's cute how Tucson calls a street with a median a divided highway.

[Dennis Aust @dmaustjr]

I just love it when I have to install an installer to install the software I'm trying to install.

[@M WADL @TheAdamWaddle]

Do you think redheads drink a lot of ginger ale? #redheads #ginger #comedy

[@M WADL @TheAdamWaddle]

One of my favorite jokes ever. I love me some Mitch Hedberg. #comedy #comedian #standup