Dave

my existence is satire

[Dave @dmiller312]

@youCMe24 Cue the Rocky music

[Dave @dmiller312]

Buc-ees is single-handedly starting a convenience store war against @KwikTrip more relevant than the Russia v. Ukraine situation (I hope @Wawa follows close behind)

[Dave @dmiller312]

I look fine on the outside but inside my headphones I’m blaring ozzy. (I’m having a great time)

[Rohdhouse @rohdhouse]

Sawing my leg off

[Dave @dmiller312]

@rohdhouse What a fucking unit

[Dave @dmiller312]

I will say this once. Just because you cooked your food outside or next to a river, doesn’t mean that it’s any good. Tik Tok and Facebook algorithms, you can stop any day now.

[Dave @dmiller312]

Moving somewhere that I can mow the lawn on Christmas morning

[Dave @dmiller312]

@rohdhouse Just saw off the 13th. I’m done.

[Dave @dmiller312]

Literally every time someone tells me they’re “not a fan” of some thing, all I can think of is this

[Dave @dmiller312]

Can we take a moment because I love this woman

[jam @fcknjam]

SHE BETTER TALK HER SHIT!!!!!!

[Dave @dmiller312]

Wisconsin sports. That is all.

[Dave @dmiller312]

@TheBrewCrewFeed Pain.

[Dave @dmiller312]

@merrillhunter21 Pain.

[Dave @dmiller312]

‘just being yourself’ still requires some sort of sacrifice.

[Dave @dmiller312]

I have a girlfriend who literally leaves 2 chargers at my house, yet refuses to get USB-C chargers. go ahead and reflect on that.

[Dave @dmiller312]

you can’t ask for much better than this

[Dave @dmiller312]

stop ✋ getting ✋ dark ✋ out ✋ so ✋ fast ✋ pls 🥺

[Dave @dmiller312]

To all the people with windshields that don’t bead water off, figure out what you want to do with yourself and grow the fuck up

[Dave @dmiller312]

This tweet is to let you know that if you called a party in to the cops while in high school, you’re likely still a shitty person.

[Dave @dmiller312]

@trevortuttle23 technically a reported loss, collect 200 dollars, pass go