Do Less Dad

Just a Dad that's been told to do less. A lot.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

No one:

Dads: Why spend $300 to have a plumber fix the sink when I can do it in 4 months for free?

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

I was out with my buddies and before going to the next bar I said “hold up, I need to go potty” and for whatever reason it really brought the mood down

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

I was out with my buddies and before going to the next bar I said “hold up I need to go potty” and for whatever reason it really brought the mood down

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

It happened. I never thought this day would come - at least not as early in life as now….but I let out a serious “okey dokey” in front of my family and friends. This is peak Dad.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

My favorite thing about having my toddler help with an activity is redoing everything

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

I just ate the leftover spilt cheese from my sandwich that fell on the frying pan and crisped up like a cheez-it. Was it delicious? Yes. Did I then proceed to pour the entire bag of shredded cheese on the frying pan to make more cheese crisps? Also yes.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

After 6 weeks of all my kids being sick they’re finally feeling bette- oh wait, one of them just threw up.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

Whoever decided “walk in the park” would mean “something easy” clearly didn’t have kids

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

I don’t mean for this to come off as a complaint because I love reaping the benefits of my kids’ Halloween candy as much as the next parent. But, what’s up with those snickers bars and Kit Kats having a hint of starburst/skittles flavor? Don’t LOVE that.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

Anyone else tired of their Apple Watch roasting them with things like “you did it!” when I stand up and “looks like you’re working out” when I walk up stairs?

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

It’s officially “lay on the couch consuming beer and snacks while critiquing professional football specimens” season

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

One day you’re young and hip and the next day you’re talking about investing in a nice pair of binoculars

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

Saw Top Gun Maverick last night. Afterwards I peeled out of the movie theater parking lot and immediately got pulled over. Because I have a NEED FOR SPEED…in my hybrid mini van.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

[7 year old]: Dad, it’s teacher apprecibation week…ugh…apprecimiation…apprecication. Wow, try saying that five times fast…appre-
[Me]: Maybe start with one time slow.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

Welcome to your thirties where you justify basic household movements as your workout for the day.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

You think garbage men play detective and piece together clues from your trash to put together what went down? Like “I see empty beer cans, a broken lamp, and a used ice pack. Yup - some old guy tried doing the worm dance move again”

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

[My wife]: What country is the Eiffel tower in?
[My 7 year old]:…
[My wife]: I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “pants”
[7 yo]: Malibu!

So I guess my son is terrible at geometry just like his Dad

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

You can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran…because it’s past tents!!! But, yes, to answer your question, that was me last night running through your campsite to use the porta-potty.

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

[Me *walking into the grocery store to get milk]: Stay focused.

[Me *leaving the grocery store]: Nice job! Mission accomplished!

[Me *on the way home, realizing I forgot the milk]: Son of a!

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

[Me *15 years ago]: Watch how fast I can funnel these beers!

[Me *now]: Watch how fast I can put this duvet cover on!

[Do Less Dad @do_less_dad]

[My 5 year old *crying about a cut on his hand]: I need stitches like you.
[Me]: What do you mean?
[5 yo]: I have a big boo-boo like the big boo-boo on your face.

He was talking about the pimple on my forehead