Dolphin Shitass

swimming up god's piss stream in a desperate bid to escape hell

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

game show called How Woke Is Your Dad? where they tie you to a wooden cross and your dad takes a quiz where if he scores more than 50 out of a possible 100 Woke Points they set the cross on fire and the rest of the episode is an unbroken shot of you burning alive

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

america's bleakest home videos

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

bitches can't get enough of my horrid carcinogenic discharge

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

"chug my dick and shit," quoth the raven, "poke a hole in my bladder so you can shotgun my piss like a beer"

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

what's up reddit? my (34M) urethra (17F) has been slowly dissolving over the last three to four weeks. is this normal? do i have to tell my wife (96F)? please don't tell me i have to tell my wife

TL;DR, my cock is absolutely fucked. do tell wife?

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

darren spindlecock and his idiot wife are taking turns sucking the fucking pee out of my turgid rod

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

sorry for farty cocking 😔🤪😔😔🤪😔🤪

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

more like farty cock anthem am i right 🤣🤪🤣🤪🤣🤪🤪

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

Local Ohio Woman Goes To Hell Before She Dies, Confirms What We All Feared In New Interview: "it fucking sucks"

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

Do you remember the first time you shat in someone else's mouth? I do! #MyXAnniversary

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

sports dimitri passes you the sports rifle. you shoot a sports prisoner of war in the head, killing them instantly. you are later tried for sports war crimes

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

tfw you're in the middle of your daily dry heaving session and your mom walks in and shoots you in the head with a crossbow

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

referring to losing your virginity as "crossing the pubicon"

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

red bull? ha! more like REDDIT bull

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🤣🤣 ���🤣

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

sorry kitten daddy's busy trying to remove fish tank pebbles from his urethra again

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

fingering my dumbass wife in the hotel lobby because that's the only thing that makes me feel anything anymore

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

i crashed my car into a church and they started worshipping my car

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

pissing so hard the friction cauterizes your urethra shut

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

when "astrology" girls try to talk to me i always say my "big 3" are patrick bateman, tyler durden, and arthur fleck 😈 bc that's how "crazy" and "fucked up" i am

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

sry for flooding your dad's lap with my putrid horrible sopping wet shit and also piss btw. he looks like a toilet when he sits like that and i got confused

[Dolphin Shitass @dogcloaca]

y'all ever make a series of horrifying erectile mistakes that permanently ruin your life or is it just me?