dog mom

[dog mom @dogemomm]

Boys are cancelled until further notice

[dog mom @dogemomm]

The Midwest makes me smell like stress sweat

[dog mom @dogemomm]

@Trent_WZRD Icky

[dog mom @dogemomm]

When I tell you I’m traveling you don’t need to respond “don’t get taken.” Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[chy @politicallychy]

paid my rent so don’t ask me to go out because i’m in the crib getting my moneys worth.

[dog mom @dogemomm]

I’m just that drunk girl at the bar asking everyone what their sign is

[dog mom @dogemomm]

Nothing makes me less creative than when a teacher tells me to be creative

[Rachel Lindsay @TheRachLindsay]

I can think of no better time to put my phone on airplane mode than when Senator Cruz gets a turn to question

[dog mom @dogemomm]

@wtfmalaika @ChipotleTweets Oh hell yea you deserve a free burrito

[dog mom @dogemomm]

White eggs make me anxious

[™️ @pmyers_tm]

Idk whose son needs to hear this but.....

Wash your sheets.

[dog mom @dogemomm]

I just read my horoscope from a 1974 Playgirl magazine and I’m ready for the day

[dog mom @dogemomm]

Studying wine is turning me into an absolute douche.

[Habibi @Fahris56]

Yo Vikings...