don dilly

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Shouldn’t it just be ‘heating the oven’? What is ‘pre-heating’? ‘Pre-heating’ is what I do when I’m thinking about making bacon and mustering the motivation to get out of bed. #bacon

[don dilly @don_dilly]

@realDonaldTrump

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Most people think of #BushGore when they hear the word #recount. I think of #Scarface.
#CallTheElection #BidenHarris #Election2020 #SayGoodnightToTheBadGuy

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Is missing the days when everyone’s Facebook status was in the third person.

[don dilly @don_dilly]

“Lady Madonna, children at your feet, wonder how you manage to make ends meet” vs
“Early in the mornin, rise into the street, light me up that cigarette and I’ll strap shoes on my feet”
How did I never make this connection before. #sublime and #TheBeatles both got a foot thing

[don dilly @don_dilly]

⁦@mthds⁩

[don dilly @don_dilly]

I was legit just googling ‘what is #obamagate’. Apparently I’m not alone in my confusion. The last suggestion speaks volumes. It really got me thinkin... I don’t think anyone actually knows what Obama’s last name is, do they? Is it even on his birth certificate? Doubt it

[don dilly @don_dilly]

I actually dig Post Malone. But does the dude actually roll around with his bros pretending they’re the Jonas Brothers? Seems like a weird move.

[don dilly @don_dilly]

I really like pears. But they can be difficult to purchase. I always end up with either too few or too many. For instance “I would like one pair” vs “I would like two pears”. Okay four is fine, I should eat more pears anyway.

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Best question from #CNNTownHall last night: “can you get Corona virus from unprotected sex?” Sanjay Gupta “I mean you can get it from shaking hands so... I guess technically no?”

[don dilly @don_dilly]

I feel like Jelly Belly jelly beans are like a good exercise in Buddhist principles cause like you have to stop and be present for each one, enjoying the unique flavors, and if you try and eat more than 1 like a glutton it gets really gross. Raisins on the other hand...

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Am I the only one who’s like ‘what’s up with this guy’s weird orange face when its super white around his eyes for no reason except it’s weird?’

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Still can’t figure out what’s worse: vaping or coronavirus

[don dilly @don_dilly]

People in Denver been doing the #denverhowl at 8pm, which is cool, but I was thinkin we could also do 5am bird noises, who’s with me? You don’t even have to open your window if you don’t want. You can just scream ‘CAW-CAW!’ at the top of your lungs and scare your family.

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Every time I give my kid a zarbees melatonin I feel like the mom from ‘sharper objects’

[don dilly @don_dilly]

“Wait, what’s this? ... Pepa!”
@mulaney

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Breaking news: Beastie Boys announce they are the only musical act not cancelling their summer tour #ripmca

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Me at Costco this weekend...
#iamcoronaholio

[don dilly @don_dilly]

Am I the only one confused the by the fact that toilet paper is everyone’s number one priority right now? Like, for me, it’s more like number two