BigSteve

An equal opportunity asshole since 1979.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Speechless in two languages, high school Spanish teacher.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Started my training for the new normal feelings of uneasy and vulnerable, this morning in front of the open window I put my socks on first.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

While watching convention coverage, try not to think about Tom Brokaw's voice making your grandma expell that last bit of vagina moisture.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Regardless of the sport, I have yet to be satisfied with any stadium's nacho cheese to chips portions.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

A lot of cultures could use more culture, less eyebrow

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Ladies, when the lights are off, don't think of it as herpies, it's just dick brail.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

It's not gay to iChat with another dude about guy stuff, unless it's about gay guy stuff.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

My mom smokes Newport 100's, I think that makes me half black.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

The good news is Directv will release a germ-free hotel remote, the bad news is that they'll still be sticky with cum.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

I feel how my shower curtain looks.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

If you see me on public transit at night in sunglasses, trust me, I'm not a douche, I'm just a creep staring at girls feet.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Somewhere in an alley behind a LA doctors office is a large plastic bag filled with loose Jonah Hill.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

You art school people could have saved a ton of cash by signing up for classes at you're local park district community center.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Got my first facial today, not the gay-gay kind, just the gay kind.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

So what temperature am I looking for when I want to be one of these indecisive people walking around in shorts and a hoodie?

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

It's Sunday, let's be safe out there, try not to get caught by someone you know while you're eating alone in a big box store food court.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

You may think you look cool pulling into the trailer park on a Harley, be cooler, sell the Harley, not live in the trailer park.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Will someone create a nail salon/sushi house fusion restaurant already, I'd like to try a sashimi slice of bunion meat.

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

Wanting to kill yourself is being hungover stuck in a car with a step-father in a Hawaiian shirt listening to Queen's "Keep Yourself Alive"

[BigSteve @donkeyspoon]

In this country at any give time, there are less people in sweatpants sweating at a gym than there are sweating at Greyhound stations.