There are 2 types of Christmas dinners: the one where you get fucked up with your crazy uncle and the one where you talk about taxes and energy prices #merry#xmas
There’s a 1 in 5 chance of dying from heart disease.
People: “Won’t happen to me!”
There’s a 1 in 292,000,000 chance of winning the Powerball.
People: “You never know!”