jacked jesus

fuckin funny guy

[john's fine thx @juanadog]

I only marginally tolerated Kid Rock when he dressed like Aretha Franklin if you wondered what my take was on his new line of apparel.

[john's fine thx @juanadog]

How the fuck did Jimmy Buffett survive 2016?

[john's fine thx @juanadog]

I was the "Dark Side" painted naked bitch at the edge of the pool in that Pink Floyd poster.

[john's fine thx @juanadog]

What's Marky Mark's take on all this?!?

[john's fine thx @juanadog]

*enters public restroom*
*unzips*
*six eagles emerge flying aggressively*

"Eyes forward, fellas"

[Aimee Helene @AimeeHelene1]

*smells your breath*
*pulls out tiny white flag*
*slowly waves it in front of my face*

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Rachel Ray now makes cat food with real beef just like the cows my cat would eat in the wild.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Imagine dying at work and your ghost is stuck for eternity wearing chinos wandering back and forth to check a jammed ghost printer.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Nobody cares if you got a 4.0 this semester, you're 38.

[jacked jesus @dontsmokedust]

Just put on a flannel shirt & the corners of my mustache curled

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

All I wanna do is [chewing noises] and [even more chewing noises]

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

I wish the election was over so people would stop saying charlatan like it's 1916.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.

[Mazaaq 🇺🇸 @IEatChawal]

"You'll like it, Leonardo DiCaprio's in it!"

And that's when I moved the piercing blade from the center of my abdomen to the left side.

[jacked jesus @dontsmokedust]

You look fuckin stupid when you take a picture of your face in public.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

Stab me once shame on you, stab me twice GLAHHGRRGRAHHHLRRRR

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

No thanks "developing story" on the news, come back when you fill out a dress.

[jacked jesus @dontsmokedust]

Thomas Jefferson: *reading* We hold these tr....

Ben Franklin: *throws voice* sit down faggot....

TJ: Jesus, Ben...you're front row, man.

[2 Cats on a Table @averagegrades]

On top of spaghetti
All covered with cheese
I lost my whole family
Because I drink