doombabies

New, improved! Now 100% hinged! / Fake Geek Girl, Actually 4 Pygmy Goats in Business-Casual Gothwear / She/Her

[doombabies @doombabies]

I will send (1) homemade cheesecake per month for 1 year to anyone who hires me for an entry level SOC/blue team role.

[doombabies @doombabies]

@ClaireMax Yes you are very unrealistic. And also my walls are very thin, ohhhh nooooooo why is there a giant pile of EVA foam and vegan leather in my living room with a "free to good home" sign.

[doombabies @doombabies]

@lliveandalive I put my Power Hour station on at work (kitchen Bluetooth speakers) that's like... ETID, Wage War, Heaven Shall Burn, and got told it was "too intense for a Tuesday morning". Girl the way my whole brain bluescreened. 9am midweek prep work requires BLEGH to go.

[doombabies @doombabies]

I swear, once a month I pop into this sweaty rancid tire-fire of a website, see that it's still a sweaty rancid tire-fire, give it the ol' 👍 and dip out.

Why do I continue this song and dance?

[doombabies @doombabies]

"Don't shit on my toast and call it Vegemite" is the new "don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining"

[doombabies @doombabies]

Is he really pulling the "I'm just a wittle guy" card? 😂😂😂 I live in Clown Universe

[doombabies @doombabies]

@ClaireMax She-donis. Michaelangelo could not have sculpted finer. Could be used as a percussion instrument in a gutterbilly bluegrass band.

[doombabies @doombabies]

@HorrorGorl Drakkari. I was in a lot of dice-based DnD-esque RP chats.

[doombabies @doombabies]

Dear Catholics:

Order a fucking salad

Signed,
Every fry cook ever

[doombabies @doombabies]

There were like 8 Dustins in every class I had growing up, but since becoming an adult I can't remember meeting a single one. Whither all the Dustins?

[doombabies @doombabies]

@HorrorGorl Hate ages one like fetid milk

[doombabies @doombabies]

@HorrorGorl Not joking

[doombabies @doombabies]

I always figured I didn't like eating shrimp because, yk, sea bugs. But now I'm starting to realize I also think they're super cute and it'd be like eating a bat. Look at this adorable bitch. Scuttling about with her little whiskers.

[doombabies @doombabies]

@mmpadellan Feeling symbolically dumb? Oh no hunny - you're materially dumb. Like, they make the map of dumb off your territory of stupid.

[doombabies @doombabies]

I swear on Joe Strummer's pomade-infused grave if we don't get some fucking BANGIN punk rock out of the next 4 years, I'm flunking everyone. See me after class. This is a goddamn open note test.

[doombabies @doombabies]

@TheCinesthetic I wore out the VHS in a 2 year time span.

[doombabies @doombabies]

There is a thin line between "the world is tough so I must be tougher" and "the world is tough so I must combat it by making it softer for others wherever I can".

And buddy, I cha-cha slide real smooth down that line every day.

[doombabies @doombabies]

@theereal_one You're just giving your sink a healthy dose of salmonella when you wash you chicken.

[doombabies @doombabies]

Just overhand chucking an entire slow cooker through the windows of Cybertrucks, screaming "SOUP FOR MY FAMILY"

[doombabies @doombabies]

BFF sent me pics of this tag popping up around the mean streets of Encinitas, my imagination is running wild. Roving bands of anarcho-punk Martha Stewarts, breaking into houses to hang "Live, Laugh, Love" wall art. Seasonally color coordinating homeless encampments

[doombabies @doombabies]

The Onion owns InfoWars, the world's richest dumbass is going to head a government advisory panel named for a meme, and a peedo is gonna head the DoJ

Nothing is real, the arc of the universe bends towards absurdity, so do wtf you want. Mustard in Mac n Cheese, chicken hats.