Doonald Stump

LETS FACE IT, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A MAN AS HANDSOME AS ME. AND IM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT TOO? YOURE WELCOME. NO AUTOGRAPHS.

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

I JUST WOKE UP FROM A 2 YEAR COMA HOWS THE COUNTRY BEEN DOIN DID WE GET BIN LADEN YET?

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

I AM A BIRD OF PREY HIGH IN THE SKY AND JOHN KASICH IS BUT A LOWLY SLICE OF GARLIC BREAD ON THE GROUND HISS CAW

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

@doonald_stump IT FINALLY HAPPENED HAHA AND THE VOICES IN MY HEAD TOLD ME THIS JOKE WOULD NEVER BE RELEVANT

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

SORRY FOR THE LACK OF TWEETS I WAS TOO BUSY WINNING PRIMARIES AND LOCATING TED CRUZ'S MURDER VICTIMS

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

I CAME IN SECOND PLACE TONIGHT BUT THATS OKAY BECAUSE YOU CANT SPELL "TRUMP' WITHOUT "STILL BETTER THAN JEB"

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

WHEN IM IN THE WHITE HOUSE IM GOING TO MAKE SURE THE P.A. SYSTEM PLAYS A 24 HOUR LOOP OF THE "FERRIS BUELLERS DAY OFF" SOUNDTRACK

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

WHO IS THIS "MARTIN OH MALLET" MAN AND WHY ARE HIS ARMS SO LUSCIOUS

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

HELL YEAH IM GONNA BOYCOTT THE DEBATE THIS WEEK WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS MEGAN KELLY? YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN MY FRIEND

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

WITH THE IOWA CAUCUS COMING UP IN A FEW DAYS IM THINKING ABOUT REWARDING ALL MY VOTERS WITH POLAR BEAR JIGSAW PUZZLES JUST TO SHOW I CARE

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

ALL OF THESE YOUNG KIDS ARE TRYING TO "WHIP" AND "NAE NAE" WHILE IM GONNA "FLIP" AND "SWAY SWAY" THE POLLS IN MY FAVOR

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

IM WAITING FOR TED CRUZ TO DROP OUT OF THE RACE FOR 2016 SO I CAN MAKE A VARIETY OF "CRUZING AWAY FROM THE NOMINATION" JOKES

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

OH YEAH FORGOT THERE WAS A DEBATE TONIGHT I WAS TOO BUSY LAYING OUT THE PLANS TO MY NEW MONUMENT LOL OOPS

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

HILLARY CLINTON WEARS HER SOCKS INSIDE OUT IS THAT THE KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT RUNNING OUR GREAT COUNTRY

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

YEAH I KICKED A MUSLIM COUPLE OUT OF MY RECENT RALLY BUT AT LEAST I WAS CALM ABOUT IT I COULDVE STARTED QUOTING SCHINDLERS LIST OVER THE MIC

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

THE ONLY ONE THAT RIVALS MY RACE TO THE WHITE HOUSE IS MARCO RUBIO HE'S A SOLID 7 IF YOU ASK ME. IM STRAIGHT AND MASCULINE THO TRUST ME

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

WHEN IM PRESIDENT EVERY PAINTING IN THE WHITE HOUSE WILL BE REPLACED WITH MOSAICS OF MY ANKLE I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

I HAVE REMOVED 27 GOLDFISH FROM THE MANHATTAN SEWERS AND PLACED THEM IN THE SLIGHTLY HIGHER QUALITY BROOKLYN SEWERS YOURE WELCOME

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

HOW WOULD I GO ABOUT REMOVING A MODERATELY SIZED IGUANA FROM A VACUUM CLEANER DONT ASK QUESTIONS JUST TELL ME

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

IT IS NOW 2016 SO NEW YEAR NEW ME. JUST KIDDING IM ALREADY THE BEST THERE IS WHY WOULD I WANT TO CHANGE LMAO

[Doonald Stump @doonald_stump]

IM NOT RACIST MY FAVORITE POWER RANGER IS THE BLACK RANGER