Graham P

Hampshire based Scot. Treading the line between optimism and cynicism since 1981.

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@chantalbraganza When my daughter was about 2 she pointed to the top of the stairs (upstairs lights were off) and said “what’s his name”? I was already booking the removal men when I realised she was talking about the small spider on the banister 😱

[Graham P @doonboggles]

"glitch" is a funny way to say "we haven't managed to find enough people willing to be gouged with ridiculous prices so we are giving them away for free to avoid embarrassing empty stadiums"

[Sky News @SkyNews]

FIFA has confirmed a website glitch has left dozens of fans getting free tickets for the World Cup 2026

https://t.co/hehKjj0NeL

[Graham P @doonboggles]

I know that Irn Bru ad is a bit of an earworm, but this is no way to respond

[Scotland National Team @ScotlandNT]

We're delighted to announce a new five-year partnership with Pepsi Max, officially becoming the soft drinks partner of the Scotland Men’s and Women’s National Teams

@PepsiUK 🙌

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@PaulBrandITV Would they be allowed to, say, shred memoes after they had been read? I don't understand why government phones aren't officially backed-up as a matter of course

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@SteAssent @Rhigallimore 'erbs without the h 🤢

[Graham P @doonboggles]

First hot weekend of the year.
SE Water: "help, we can't cope!"

[Graham P @doonboggles]

No Garmin?

[John Crofts (jmcrofts) @crofts]

Fuck it highly niche tier list for my fellow psychos out there

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@fesshole Turns out you've been stirring someone else's porridge

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@techtoby__ @AndrewImrie25 A bank is unlikely to lend you that sort of money to invest in funds though

[Graham P @doonboggles]

America is at least 10 years behind Europe in rolled out tech. Give it another 7 years and they'll have contactless ticketing on public transport

[StripMallGuy @realEstateTrent]

I flew out of Newark Airport this morning and experienced something that is obviously going to become standard everywhere within the next few years.

There was no TSA agent checking IDs. No pulling anything out of my pocket.

I walked up to this new machine, it scanned my face, the gate opened, and I kept walking.

There was no line because the process moved so fast.

It felt like stepping a few years into the future, and it was awesome!

[Graham P @doonboggles]

"help. I have deluded myself into thinking I might be chancellor soon and I'm scared"

[Robert Jenrick @RobertJenrick]

I am looking to hire a chief economic advisor.

As Reform prepare for government we are looking to expand our growing team of policy advisors.

I’m after an exceptionally talented individual with a strong grounding in macro economics.

If you’re passionate about getting growth again in the economy, and have ideas to shake up our stale economic debate, this role is for you.

We have a once in a generation opportunity to build a new economic model that transforms this country for the better. If you have the energy and determination to do that with us, this role is for you.

The job will involve:

-policy development
-modelling
-in-depth research

No experience in Westminster is required. Business experience is preferable.

The pay is highly competitive, but variable depending on the candidate.

Please email your CV and a cover letter to [email protected]

Applications close on the 29th May but will be reviewed on a rolling basis.

[Mikey Smith @mikeysmith]

Farage "I CAN'T BE BOUGHT!"

Also Farage: "I will say IRA slogans on video for £80!"

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@Granfalloon55 @bushontheradio Calm down Gordon Ramsey 😜

[Graham P @doonboggles]

Believing this nonsense is why Americans are credulously clapping in autocracy

[Washingtons ghost @washghost1]

This nonsense is why the Brits lost the war

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@idlewildgirl I walked to the gym in sunshine yesterday, and got sandblasted by hail on the way home

[Graham P @doonboggles]

Man of the people, giving voice to the working class 🙄

[Sam Coates Sky @SamCoatesSky]

EXC: Nigel Farage bought a £1.4m house in cash shortly after the £5m gift from Christopher Harborne, @AliFortescue reveals

Reform say the offer and the purchase “process” began before the gift.

Reform spox: “The relevant chronology is straightforward. The offer and purchase process for the property commenced before the gift. Mr Farage had already passed proof of funds and the relevant checks before receiving the gift. The purchase was therefore already proceeding independently of it.”

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@anon_opin I was recently involved in an incident where the driver opened their door next to a 60mph road and an unsecured dog jumped out and ran across the live carriageway. It didn't end well

[Owen Jones @owenjonesjourno]

Genuinely think this will wind voters up!

Wes Streeting has a habit of coming up with contrived 'oh-so-hilarious' lines.

And then repeating them over and over and over again.

[Graham P @doonboggles]

The fact that Millwall votes green has tickled me 😂

[نیکان @daawaga]

How the wards of each London team's stadium voted in this month's local elections!

Arsenal - 🟢Green
Brentford - 🔴Labour
Chelsea - 🔴Labour
Fulham - 🔵Conservative
Crystal Palace - 🟢Green
Spurs - 🔴Labour
West Ham - 🟢Green
Millwall - 🟢Green
QPR - 🔴Labour
Charlton - 🔴Labour

[Graham P @doonboggles]

@Steven_Swinford If one thing has become clear, it is that 'BREAKING' has become overused to the point of meaninglessness

[Graham P @doonboggles]

I for one am glad that we have the sharpest minds in the kingdom, like Sharron Davies and Alan Sugar, representing us in the House of Lords...

[Sharron Davies HoL MBE @sharrond62]

That’s me done with @Starbucks if true?