You think, “I’m different, I’m the one who’ll make them forget all about their past,” but, spoiler alert: you’re actually just walking into a mess of unresolved emotions. I’ve been there, thinking I was somehow special, that my connection with them would magically heal all their heartbreak. Truth is, nobody comes out of a long-term relationship completely ready for something new, no matter how much they say they are.
I got involved with someone fresh out of a seven-year relationship. They were telling me all the right things—that they were ready, that I was what they needed. And I wanted to believe it so badly, I ignored all the signs. The mood swings, the moments of distance, the times they’d get lost in their own head, still untangling the life they had with someone else. I thought I could be the hero, the one to make it all better.
In reality, I was just a distraction, a way for them to fill the void that was still so raw. And it sucked because I genuinely cared about them. Eventually, it hit me that they weren’t ready to build something real with me; they were still sorting through their baggage, and I was just a temporary salve. It hurt, but it taught me a valuable lesson: someone fresh out of a long-term relationship needs time—time to heal, time to figure themselves out again. It’s not about you not being enough; it’s about them not being ready.
If you’re in that position now, don’t let yourself fall into the “chosen one” mindset. Sure, maybe you’re amazing, and maybe they do care about you, but you can’t force them to skip the healing process. Just be honest with yourself and know that if they’re still carrying that baggage, it’s not on you to unpack it for them. You deserve someone who’s ready for you, not someone who’s still tangled up in their past.
Depression is also getting up & going to work everyday, keeping up with yourself, laughing, putting on makeup, going out with your friends. Functional depression is also very real.