The Delivery Man

Tweeting funny things you see in the day of a supermarket grocery home delivery driver inc funny substitutions, parental guidance is advised at times.

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

Delivery name of the year: Miss Tattie Beaver

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

My wife has bet me I can't loose all my followers by the end of the day!

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

Plus the van caught fire last week #delivery

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

I'm not dead baby! Just taking a break

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

I didn't know who Tulisa was until she sucked a cock in front of the nation! A bit like Nick Clegg! #libdems

[South Wales Fire and Rescue Service @SWFireandRescue]

Hope everyone had a great Bank Holiday! It's #testittuesday test your smoke alarms Keep your friends & family safe. Pls RT

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

@2FBS I was too busy trying to keep my breakfast down, the worst thing is I had "golden balls" this morning.

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

He smelt very badly of BO! Think I may have to be sick #delivery

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

Just delivered to an old man with one arm just wearing boxer shorts with his balls hanging out, I'm scarred for life now! #deliveryhorrors

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

Dress it up anyway you like love, your name is Mrs Aynall and is still pronounced Anal #delivery

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

@3dsgrandma It was more of the lady loves a green tray mission lol

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

I'm back, been away for a while on a top secret delivery mission, I could tell you but then I would have to kill you #delivery

[la_crip @la_crip]

Policing & social media. Surely police tweeters should follow their followers to get an idea of what issues ppl are concerned about?

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

My mate has just started a Twitter account @KeremyJyle and I think it could become funny one to #follow

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

#famouslastwords The delivery man always arrives on time with a big smile on his face #delivery

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

If anyone ever says "I want to talk to the organ grinder", give them the number of the man who makes Asda's Smartprice sausages. #delivery

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

@3dsgrandma I don't think the copper was having any of it, he looked pissed off and my shoes looked pissed on #badtimes

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

Its hard to deny that is was you that had a pee behind the van when you have wet shoes on a hot sunny day #fact #delivery

[soft and springy @DaphneSludge]

@groveswhitnall @CameronAddicott @CatsProtection @craighartonline @Mentally_chill @DanWrexham @doobiesis @dotcomdriver @FBNewsTeam Thank you

[The Delivery Man @dotcomdriver]

When asked by your trainer what should you do if the van catches fire, the answer grab some sausages out the back & have a BBQ is wrong.