Doug K

When I was a kid, I used to like legos --Now that I'm an adult, I could take them or leave them.

[The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster]

Listen, we'd love to bring back the punch cards but you've proven time and again you can't be trusted.

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

@bigd23ict

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Sounds like a pretty intolerant and ignorant thing to say! https://t.co/5dUpshcazw

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Looking for a new lifecoach, any suggestions? My last one quit because Im terrified of life coaches @theDeckSHOW

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Any ideas on how to remove shit stains from my ceiling? Asking for a friend @theDeckSHOW

[Mj Updates @UpdatesMj]

He dead.

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

I can only imagine what getting addicted to drugs is like, but I'm pretty sure it's like eating a thin mint.

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

If a vegan does crossfit, which do they talk about first?

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

If the average American is afraid of heights, would that mean the average Australian is afraid of lows? #deepthoughts

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Where did the first doctor get his degree? Were they just like yep, I'm a doctor, now I'm going to need to feel your balls while you cough

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Way to play #LouisvilleCardinals Nice flop. Dear #ncaa call a foul on them maybe??? #thefixisin #LouisvilleCardinalsGetBailedOutAgain

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Dear #ncaa refs,
If you're going to screw #manhattan to death against #Loiusville, then I know a certain drink you should buy them first

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Paul Walker really outdid himself in his latest role of playing Ryan Dunn. #Toosoon?

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Paul's car just took the same hit as vin Deisel's career #toosoon?

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Paul died too young, too bi-curious. #toosoon?

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Just found out Paul wasn't driving. Good thing or he might have had 6 more hits (trees) #toosoon?

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

Me: Man I can't believe I get excited about Facebook recipes, I feel so old!
Homeless person: What?

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

@cfromtheict that is going to be my answer around the office when people ask how old I am. "2 in unicorn years"

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

@cfromtheict thanks, I wonder how old I am in unicorn years

[Doug K @dougfromtheUP]

@ict_kacee when you think about it, finding memo was pretty depressing too. Wife gets murdered, son is kidnapped, only gets worse from there