Doug olsen

the truth is speaking

[Tom Tebow @IamEvilTebow]

The Mayans quit making calendars because they were too busy standing in front of Home Depot.

[Helen Keller @Helen_KelIer]

Putting a plunger in my toilet without me knowing isn't a very pleasant surprise when I go to use the bathroom.

[Tom Tebow @IamEvilTebow]

Notre Dame's Brian Kelly won "coach of the year"...While Nick Saban won "coach most likely to skull fuck his own player." #HardAss

[Helen Keller @Helen_KelIer]

GOD DAMN IT I finally got done my 7 page essay and the computer wasn't even on.

[Helen Keller @Helen_KelIer]

That awkward moment when you realize you've been tweeting for a week on a phone that was dead.

[Chris Mortensen @mortreport]

Mark Sanchez benched. Greg McElroy is Jets starter. Tim Tebow is Tim Tebow. Look for more from @RichCimini on next episode. #laughtrack

[Helen Keller @Helen_KelIer]

I do it for the ratchets.

[Chef Banez @Mr_Mcdrillen]

#DescribeYourLifeInAPicture

[WhitePeoplesProblems @WhiteFolkProbs]

My handshake sucks.

[Helen Keller @Helen_KelIer]

I hate the Where's Waldo books. How am I supposed to find Waldo when I can't even find my bathroom?

[Faux Peyton Manning @FeuxManning]

So just to be clear with everyone, with the world ending Friday, this will e the last football game we watch. Jets-Titans. Thanks, NFL #MNF

[Nick @_nickfacts]

Real niggas come first , dope boys come second, fly niggas come third #meek

[Connor Cherry @concherry]

@dougieefresh101 i got these tiny hands :( http://t.co/2MQJb0dy