My therapist once explained that the reason you zone out in a towel after a shower, sit in your car long after parking, or mindlessly scroll at night isn't because you're lazy or unmotivated. It's because your nervous system is stuck in a functional freeze state. You can still work. You can still show up. You can still get things done. But it takes every ounce of your energy. That's why you feel chronically exhausted. Why do you space out so easily? Why can you be social and fine all day and then ignore every message once you get home. This isn't a personality flaw. It's a body that has been surviving for too long.
therapist told me “after you start healing past traumas and come out of fight or flight mode, your body will need a lot of rest. you aren’t lazy, your body is just trying to catch up on the calm it hasn’t received in years” then it all made sense.
I hate how my brain convinces me I’m a burden
the second I start to need someone.
So instead of reaching out,
I just suffer quietly while everyone watches, sorry ignores..
my therapist dropped a truth bomb on me: “high functioning depression is scary as hell because you’re very capable of hiding emotions, feelings and thoughts, so no one knows you're not okay and even if you say something no one realises the severity, because you don’t seem like someone who is mentally spiralling out of control” felt it to the core.
i realised its not laziness or procrastination, when you reach a certain state of depression you get so detached from reality and you don't wish to participate in anything in life, you just want to sleep and wake up and actually not speak to anyone.
Media ADHD: "Ooh, look a squirrel! Let's go ride bikes!"
Real ADHD: "I am currently ruining my own life by refusing to perform a 3-minute task that would solve 90% of my anxiety.
I am fully aware of this. I am screaming internally. I physically cannot make my body stand up and do it. And yes it as stupid to me as it is to you.
having ADHD means that sometimes people will think you’re being pretentious or overly articulate but in reality its because you forget basic words and have to use whatever synonym your brain could find at the time, which just so happens to be weirdly specific and overly formal.