Austin

[bug_deal @bug_deal]

i resemble sports illustrated in that im worthless and i have swimsuit issues

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

It's like, why did you even bother visiting my GeoCities page if you weren't going to sign the guestbook

[𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓮 @angelfir_e]

#tbt wit @DownIvory lul

[brendle @brendlewhat]

your momma's so exploited by the ruling class that she has unconsciously internalized their morals and involuntarily passed them on to you.

[TORMABLAS PARODYIACKLELALES @Tormny_Pickeals]

son, ur 2 now - old enuff for the talk. see, sex is a lot like a ocean - im drownin in it. lol now put ur hand up this is called a high five

[Austin @DownIvory]

@cat_spa miss ya alrdy 😤

[wint @dril]

if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war

[pat tobin @tastefactory]

*Walks into French museum eating a Big Mac* I'm Louvrein' It! *no laughs* Did u hear me I said I'm Louv- *trips & spills shake on Mona Lisa*

[Sad Tiger @SaddestTiger]

eating cereal in the shower isn't saving me as much time as i thought.

[stephanie mcmaster @Smethanie]

Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going.

[anna gaca @tweeasfuck]

'90s: starbucks
'00s: smoothies
'10s: cold-press juice
'20s: rare earth mineral tea
'30s: sea rises over major cities

[Handsom Tree Surgeon @dvoted_hubsand]

cop with big dreams. One day he will pull the whole universe over. He will ask the whole universe
do you know how vast you were going

[wint @dril]

i got a booth set up outside of the casper, WY red lobster to promote & expand my brand presence. if you speak to me i will call the police.

[famous crab 2020 @famouscrab]

hey honey check out this powerpoint i made of my moodswings *flips open laptop so hard it smash into the wall* MAYBE LATER!!!

[Daniel Manitou @ActualPerson084]

LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE GATHERING AT EVERY ENTRANCE OF YOUR HOME.