Douglas Paul Barrett

I invented Twitter as a way for a few friends to stay in touch. Well, it turned into something much bigger, obviously, and now I'm sitting pretty. Financially.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Twitter's over, dorks. Buy my book. http://t.co/BWVeGKENCX

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

What are beer nuts and if so, are they real.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

There goes Ansel Adams, drunk on Natural Light again.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Virginia is for l♥sers

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

u want 2 h8 life lol just hop on instagram 4 5 minutes u will h8 life lol

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Mt. Kilimanjaropener

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

How do you get one of the handicap license plates? Seems like it would be convenient for parking.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Started dating an ornithologist. Sure, she’s dull, but she’s got some great tits.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

I think therefore iamb.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

A day spent boozing is a day wasted.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

I just gesticulated for about 16 hours straight to a roomful of insanely attentive and eager housewives and boy are my arms tired.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

I just wrote a fairly long e-mail and boy are my arms tired.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

How do you guys like to punctuate phone numbers, different options.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

VNTYPLT

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

I won $65,000 off a scratchers but I lost the ticket, do you think they'll still give it to me if I tell them where I got it, ampm.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

I watched Magnolia again last night. It was terrible. She's a total brat and her mom never thanks me for babysitting. But the pay is gooood.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the least.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Thinking about becoming an alcoholic.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

Hey Vine is good for sports replays.

[Douglas Paul Barrett @dpaulbarrett]

In the 1740s there was no "organic" produce. It was ALL organic. However it cost about the same amount. Have we truly advanced as a society.