Memento Mori

my safe place. yes, I shitpost in this account.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

I am not that old yet, but damn I miss being young and reckless😭
My early twenties self didn't know how amazing I was. I was bright, fit, and a dreamer. I guess being trapped in years of toxic relationships does cost me a significant amount of brain cells.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

My marriage is on the verge of destruction and I have to work on my lame essay. What a time to be alive.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

Btw, I read the essays I wrote in the past and I am genuinely impressed. Mind you I wrote all of those before AI is even a thing. What happened? Where do those writing talents go? Now, I am barely able to write a paragraph😭

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

He also has to admit that all of his resentment is rooted in his dissatisfaction with his unfulfilled sexual desire and fantasy. He craves to be in control by nitpicking my flaws and I resent him for that.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

We have to realize that our issues both lie in slight resentment and build-up disappointment with each other.
Deep down I still blame him for what I could have been and the opportunities that I let go to be with him just to end up living like this.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

I just realized that those “sacrifices” I made grew into a resentment that got bigger as time passed.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

I was trying to stitch pieces of myself little by little. I tried to preserve those specks of confidence and self-esteem that remain in me, and you completely threw all of my efforts down the drain.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

2 years later i am still a fucking stupid doormat. I wish I could just just drop dead.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

Idk but it makes me so angry with myself everytime I remember how stupid I was. I sacrificed my time, my internship opportunity, and my energy going back and forth 2 times between Poland/France to Indo during a fucking pandemic -

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

What do I do to be treated like a fucking doormat even by someone who swore he loves me?

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

You threatened to leave me bcs I refuse to workout bcs I prefer to do another thing is kinda wild to me. As if I don’t deserve love if I am not skinny. And you wonder why I have such bad body dysmorphia?? You made me think I need to be skinnier even when I was at my ideal weight

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

You always said that ppl don’t regard me as ‘important’ and ppl take advantage of me, but why do I feel like you are the one who regards me as unimportant and taken advantage of me? The only person that hurts me the most is you. No wonder I’ve suffered so much for the past years.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

Udah gitu yg di foto bukti pengiriman cuma foto lantai dan jelas2 alamatnya beda dgn alamat saya. Tolong ini paletnya nyasar atau gimana @jntexpressid

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

@jntexpressid saya beli barang di shopee, estimasi sampe tgl 4 tp tiba2 status pengiriman gagal dan di-reschedule hari selanjutnya. Gaada kurir yg hubungi saya dari awal. Besoknya status diterima yg bersangkutan dgn bukti pengiriman yg gajelas. Padahal saya ga nerima apa2.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

Gosh, I remember during these times last year, I was crying every night battling the suicidal thoughts. Then finding out a year later, during the same time he was doing okay and even hooking up with some girls.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

Idk but it makes me so angry with myself everytime I remember how stupid I was. I sacrificed my time, my internship opportunity, and my energy going back and forth 2 times between Poland/France to Indo during a fucking pandemic -

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

Do you know the most disappointing part was ? It’s not abt him, but it’s abt how I didn’t seem to learn anything and kept taking him back when I FULLY know when the role is reversed he won’t hesitate to abadon me.
I was stupid and I AM still stupid.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

I am just so tired of finding out about girl A, girl B, etc. Not to mention about the literal hooker you’ve probably slept with behind my back. While I NEVER ever, not even a slightest I let any other guy put moves on me when I was abroad. This is what I got for my loyalty.

[Memento Mori @dprmtsrd]

The way I am no longer surprised or crying when I found out about your lies. I didn’t even bother to waste tears for this shit. I just feel numb.
Your friends' reaction when they tried to cover up for you was a cherry on top.