David Pollock

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Did you ever notice that when you delete an app from your cell, all the other apps shake - like they're afraid it might be them next? #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

oh lady at Wal-Mart, they are 'skinny jeans', not 'make you skinny jeans' #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Forget texting, some days I wish my life had autocorrecting #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

okay, if your going to take your profile pic via the mirror - please, please, please, clean up the bathroom first! #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I try to always be positive - 'Oh, no, don't think of yourself as a failure, think of yourself as unspoiled by success' #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Driving home last night, saw a pretty lady in the car next to me. So, I smile and she gave me half a peace sign #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

SOLUTION: why don't we invade the USA - then our government will build roads, bridges, schools and put locals to work #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Look out - I like to live my life like i type, fast n with lots of mistakes #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Can you imagine our kids as grandparents? Tats, piercings & listening to rap? I hear it now, 'yo, dude, my grandmas got a lip ring!' #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Today's version of a George (Seinfeld) breakup: It's not @you, it's @me #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Had to go to the DMV yesterday ---- now I know where all the people go, when they're not at Wal-Mart #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I should vote Democrat, because I think oil companies making 4% profit on gas is obscene, but taxing the same gas 15% isn't #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I should vote Democrat, because I think we should pay billions for oil to countries that hate us, instead of drilling our own #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I should vote Democrat, because I believe companies should break even, giving profits to the government for redistribution #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I should vote Democrat, because I protect 'Freedom of Speech' - well, as long as no one is offended by it #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I should vote Democrat, because I believe the government does a better job spending my money than I can #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Downloaded a calorie counter app for my droid - now, everyday I find myself trying to beat the high score #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I love going to Publix - then dropping a box of condoms in to the carts of little old ladies. The cashier's reactions are priceless #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

I remember a time when I was just going to bed at 6 am - not starting my day! #fb

[David Pollock @dpupdates]

Poor Hugh Hefner. To find another girl like that, he would have to - well, walk all the way to his living room. Um, never mind. #fb