k

first person in the US to legally marry her bed, sweats the small stuff
she

[k @draculas_dad]

me, dying: i wish i had spent more time in bed.

[k @draculas_dad]

my car heard me say im getting paid premium for a side gig this week and said "perfect! drop the muffler, break the seal and let the rain in, she got money coming boys!"

[k @draculas_dad]

lady in the weight loss pill commercial being a normal sized human woman. skinny culture is disgusting

[k @draculas_dad]

Gossipmongering like its my job. My fatal flaw is I love spilling tea

[k @draculas_dad]

government funded gender affirming care

[Jake Sherman @JakeSherman]

Hegseth says that DOD will offer "testosterone deficiency" screening for soldiers 30 and older.

"If treatment is recommended, it's entirely your choice to receive testosterone replacement therapy," Hegseth says.

[k @draculas_dad]

do i have the diarrhea disease or is it just tuesday?

[jbolina jolie @pastapilled]

when it’s hot summer nights mid july and you have nobody to be forever wild with and you’re lowkey depressed as fuck

[k @draculas_dad]

Id be so pissed if I was Rhaenys and watched Alicent fucking Hightower rule as queen when I was rebuked

[k @draculas_dad]

Im a bitch, Im a mother, Ive a child, Ive a lover, Im a secretary saint, for these things i am not paid

[roro, PhD @fuglibetty]

All of my text messages include ellipses…..To unsettle and disturb the textee…….What nefarious thought lies in the unsaid…….

[k @draculas_dad]

im no better than a baby: my coworker changed his facial hair and i have not recognized him since. "why is this stranger being so nice to me" was my actual first thought

[limpkin @acealeam]

girlfriend called... DECLINE! busy whore! busy with my CREEK

[k @draculas_dad]

almost got hit by a guy who was texting while driving but thankfully it was just a walmart scooter not a car

[k @draculas_dad]

i keep accidentally dressing like velma #myglasses

[✨ Tara Wine-Queen Writes ✨ @TaraWineQueen]

AIrish goodbye is when I leave the party early because people started talking about how much they love ChatGPT

[Hoops McCann @ravidravidravid]

saw a kid at the flea market selling a diorama of the day of my death, my lifeless body rendered in incredible detail, but he wanted fucking $100 for it lmao, no dice little idiot

[k @draculas_dad]

coworker mixed up perennial and perineal. do NOT want to see a perineal bouquet

[k @draculas_dad]

three different people today politely warned me i had something on my face only to realize im horror it was a pimple

[k @draculas_dad]

high gas prices ending my situationship, cant give gas money without it seeming like prostitution. another reason to ⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️ 🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧

[k @draculas_dad]

radio ad just told me to save money to get a smoothie this weekend. save money. for a smoothie. america is a failure

[k @draculas_dad]

had a dream that i was building a guy (paul rudd) in like a quick time event mini game, lining up the limbs as the go by etc but then i had to lay out alllll his nerves and shove them down his throat. shit was crazy