I think you can and should be able to critique problematic aspects of fiction without over or understating its impact.
I'm going to speculate that the bitterness which pervades discussions of this topic stems from the misconception that the purpose of critiquing art is...
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if a trans guy is gay they say hes a stupid little fujoshi who only decided to transition because of yaoi but if a trans guy is straight hes a lesbian in denial can trans men never win