Derek The Bearded

If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king... I would be kind to my rabbit subjects... at first 🐰🐇

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

It's a win / win situation #beards

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#beards

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar....and doesn't #nerdjokes

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

Remember, furry lips make for happy nips 😉

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

Not that i'd wanna escape anyway #pogonophiles #beards

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#ItsOnlyScaryIf I sleep with someone that pretends to like beards and they drug my drink, when I wake up my beard is shaven, oh the horror!

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#ItsOnlyScaryIf you're scared of it ....duh!!!

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#ItsOnlyScaryIf any of the current horribly unfunny cast of SNL is involved in any film or tv show whatsoever

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#ItsOnlyScaryIf she brings you back to her place & you notice a collection of ice picks & 4 pots on the stove with "rabbit boiling" on them

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#ItsOnlyScaryIf there are large spiders involved, small ones too, i'm not a fan of spiders

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#ItsOnlyScaryIf you're naked and everyone else isn't, why that situation would arise I'm not sure, but who knows?

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

Steak and a blow job day should be like any other day of the week, at least 4 of them per month, who's with me?

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

@JamChrisJoy I agree, I actually found it funny, however, he did not

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

A family of chickens made a nest in my beard, I tried to evict them when things got fowl between us, the whole situation was eggstraordinary

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

My optometrist and I never see eye to eye and my proctologist thinks i'm an asshole, my podiatrist thinks there is strange things afoot

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#IWishYouWould stop being jealous of my glorious beard, look upon it and baskl in it's awesomeness

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#IWishYouWould STOP REBOOTING SPIDER-MAN EVERY FUCKING 5 YEARS!!!!!

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

#IWishYouWould stop staring at my crotch & taking your time while measuring my inseam for tailored pants

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

Some people are as shady as a group of nuns with their habits lifted above their waist while squatting in a cucumber field

[Derek The Bearded @draygonwulff]

Is it just me or does Michael Moore look like he's the love child of Louie Anderson and John Goodman?