Chris Turnes

I'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@GlennClarkRadio He's had my support ever since he clocked Jose Bautista while he was on the Rangers in 2017.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@RecSpecsRyan @GlennClarkRadio What an ugly COVID mask.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@GlennClarkRadio I mean, *most* obnoxious? Probably not.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@GlennClarkRadio Well I've now lived here for 8 years and still don't use "wicked" as an adjective for things, so take from that what you will.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@GlennClarkRadio @OldHossRadbourn I assume related to Cal Naughton Jr.?

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@RecSpecsRyan Sorry guys, I just couldn't get out of that work meeting.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Rams Dedicate Win To Whatever City They Play For https://t.co/bYwRCjA7MZ

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@wturnes Damn, no. Now I gotta stay up late re-counting.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

A definitely-not-made-up set of statistics about a thing that is very easily measured and quantified.

[| Murray's Moustache | @MurraysMoney]

The average human has up to 60,000 thoughts per day.

80% of those are negative.

95% are repeated from yesterday.

3000 new or positive thoughts each day puts you in the top 5% of thinkers.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@wturnes The hardest part of the study for me was deciding whether "I wonder if they still make Frankenberry" was a negative thought or not. It sent me on a long, introspective journey into my feelings on cereal products.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@wturnes Yeah but you thinking about counting your thoughts biased the results, so probably can assume under non-observation all thoughts are primarily about Twizzlers

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@BaselessPursuit *manyfolds

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@PaulRudnickNY $100 million is ~120 million rolls of single-ply toilet paper, meaning each yacht here would be using 10 million rolls per week (or ~1.4 million rolls per day). That's pretty unrealistic unless you're eating Chipotle like, *every* day.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@GlennClarkRadio Ovation is the thing where you yell "boo" loudly right?

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@BaselessPursuit Wow.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

Today is national coffee day, as is every other day.

[The Dad @thedad]

when your kid's writing or drawing with the tip of their tongue sticking out the side of their mouth, it's clearly a DO NOT DISTURB moment

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

Congrats to @Lowes Framingham Store #2384! I never thought in my lifetime anyone would outdo Comcast when it comes to terrible, rage-inducing customer service but you buckled down and really lowered the bar.

[Chris Turnes @drcturnes]

@GlennClarkRadio Isn't "there are a bunch of people pretending like a thing that's very much happening isn't actually happening" the new default state of basically everything now?