Darien

I am actually beautiful and fun

[Darien @drn_frn]

lots of psychiatrists don’t want you to know that caramelizing onions counts as therapy

[Darien @drn_frn]

just finished a chapstick from 2009. … now what

[Darien @drn_frn]

worst urinal EVER!!! piss went everywhere :/

[Darien @drn_frn]

really hope my glares at all the people lounging in first class read as “you’re not surviving the class war”

[Darien @drn_frn]

I only want one thing in life and that’s to be good at everything and universally beloved

[Darien @drn_frn]

watching the sun rise over the monkeypox vaccine line is the closest I’ll ever get to living out a Lana Del Rey song

[Darien @drn_frn]

Whoever invented little shiny pinwheels must’ve loved fun!

[Darien @drn_frn]

maybe another Imagine video would stop monkeypox. have they tried that?

[Darien @drn_frn]

earth’s entire ecosystem would collapse were it not for people who symbolically adopt polar bears

[Darien @drn_frn]

do straight people have to see as many professional headshots as i do on dating apps? must be no.

[Darien @drn_frn]

Just imagined a beautiful world where raspberries last more than 30 american minutes in the fridge

[Darien @drn_frn]

Never unlocked dry bowser in mario kart wii but I’m learning to be okay with that

[Darien @drn_frn]

im too I don’t want to to build this IKEA Björgelff bookcase right now

[Darien @drn_frn]

Chicago is New York (duh) but Minneapolis is Philadelphia, Milwaukee is Boston, and St. Louis is DC. Hope this clears things up!

[Darien @drn_frn]

and BEGGING to be shown around

[Darien @drn_frn]

everyone in america is “new to the city”

[Darien @drn_frn]

Rain On Me should be the Italian national anthem

[Darien @drn_frn]

i owe my whole life to snacks

[Darien @drn_frn]

officer i’m not robbing tourists it’s called urban foraging and i teach a very expensive class about the craft in bushwick thank you very much

[Darien @drn_frn]

“I’m here for a good time not a long time” have u ever considered doing both?