Most of us don’t listen to understand. We listen to respond.
While the other person is still sharing their heart, we’re already busy in our own heads.
1. Polishing our counter-argument.
2. Waiting for a "gap" to jump in.
3. Thinking of a similar story to tell about ourselves.
The problem? You can’t truly hear someone if you’re already talking over them in your mind.
Real connection doesn’t happen in the "point" you make... it happens in the space where you actually let their words land.
Next time you’re in a conversation, try this... Wait two seconds after they finish before you say a word.
Listen to learn, not just to react.
That’s where the magic is.
Marriage works best as a partnership, especially abroad where the cost of living can humble anyone quickly. Stop doing odogwu and suffering in silence.
I was a student in the UK a few years ago, and as a student, I could only work 20 hours. My highest pay then was about £800 per month. My wife was working full-time and earning around £2,200 monthly.
Our bills looked like this:
•House rent: £1,150
•Council tax: £180
•Water: £48
•Electricity: £220 (especially during winter)
•Food: about £200
That’s already almost everything, even before other expenses.
So how exactly does a man survive on £800 alone? This is where partnership comes in. My wife usually handed over her salary, and we both decided together how to spend our money. Don’t do odogwu and kpai yourself.
I had female friends who were my colleagues then, and whenever I explained this, they would say things like, “It’s because you’ve been kind to her,” or “She knows your potential.”
Today, I earn far more than what she earns, and we still operate one purse. With one purse, couples can achieve many great things together.
Don’t k!ll yourself because you want to prove you are a man.
At the same time, I had a colleague who also earned about £800, while his wife was earning £2,100, but she wasn’t supportive. He had to keep exchanging naira to pounds just to pay rent. His wife kept telling him, “You’re the man, so you must pay the rent.”
Sadly, that marriage did not last. They eventually divorced after the husband discovered that the wife had been sending huge money to her ex in Nigeria every month.
Also, childcare and basic home duties like washing and cooking are not only for women. Anyone who is available should do them. I do this a lot in my house.
So if your wife is working and she cannot use part of her salary to support the home, what exactly is she using the money for? Most of the time they use for something’s not important.
If your wife no longer respects you because your wife contributes significantly her salary at home , you actually married your enemy.
This is why I always say: marriage is friendship first, partnership always.
This is for ladies; it’s better for a man to love you more than you love him.
If it’s the other way round, you go suffer if you marry him because see more…
Imagine your father’s age mate paying you for sleeping with him while his own daughter is in the UK getting a Master’s degree. And you think you’re chopping him?
When in reality, he’s protecting his own from ever ending up like you.
Growth for me is realising that I am exhibiting toxic traits but I know I am not a toxic person. The fact that I am self aware of these attributes and want to genuinely change speaks volume and I hope this mission becomes accomplished.
If you're a fresh university graduate, don't go back to your parents’ house after school.
Squat with five other guys, rent an inexpensive apartment, do whatever it takes to start life outside the comfort of your family home.
Take this advice more seriously if you're above 25.
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