Drew Beekler

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

The only habit I really need to change is the habit of downloading habit changing apps.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Need to open sex toy shop called
“Toy R In Us”.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Being a dog dad on Father’s Day just means you have to buy your own ties that you are never gunna wear.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

It’s impressive how fit Italian people are considering that they only eat bread meat and cheese.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

You’d think the amount of times I have been scammed for money that ONE would turned out to be a legitimate.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Finnlands Prime Minister is divorcing her husband.

When told the news the husband asked “Is there anything we can do to fix this?”

She replied “no we are Finnish-ed,”

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

The band Sum 41 announced they are breaking up.

Gen Z’s has voiced concern that this news will make their dads really sad

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

NYC suburbs are furious at plan to send migrants to there hotels.

Concerned Local says “these people have been through so much and it seems excessive to subject them to the atrocities that await any Motel 6 patrons.”

#monologjoke

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Live Long and prosper

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

@survivorcbs hear me out a play by play of what @carolynwiger does at every moment of every show while all the other stuff happens

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Is the Cloud Stratus or Cumulonimbus?

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Hogwarts legacy does such a good job at simulating the real Hogwarts experience that I’m currently behind writing about three different homework assignments and really stressed out about my O.W.L

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Like a Snuggie but fashionable

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

These outfits look so comfy! #SuperBowl

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

News 🚨: President Biden orders take down of ballon’s a Little Sarah Smiths 6 year olds birthday.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Say what you will will about Hans Gruber the man could diversify

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Just started trading is the stock market always down I heard it goes up but not really what I’m observing

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Got a sweet green salad they didn’t put lettuce in salad. Which is nice that sweet green knows I’m really just interested in the toppings.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression than men. Which proves that money does buy happiness.

[Drew Beekler @drucomedy]

New York City where everyone thinks they have the right of way.