Drunk Roommate

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

I am so fucked up that I think i'm playing snood in my head...

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

Hey I saw that girl on Facebook today... her activities include "church nursery"..YIKES!

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

If my body was a temple I pissed all over the front steps last night..

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

@smeximarylin where you from gorgious

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

It's not vodka, it's Rusian water

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

I'd eat nerds out of her butt. NO SERIOUSLY

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

Why am I the only drunk person here?.... wait we are where... Who's Library?

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

I'll go run some errands with you.... can we swing by a few bars along the way, I don't feel so good.

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

Do they Fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am I just wasting my time...

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

I found out my laundry was a dirty alcoholic too.... it hid a beer from me in the bottom of the basket...

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

The jail released me with 39 Mardi Gras beads. I need details, someone help

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

I have not had this much fun since the last time I farted and it created a boner.

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

It only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride and elephant with a stranger...

[Drunk Roommate @drunk_roommate]

Welcome to Drunk Roommate... get ready for one of the funniest drunks I have ever met....