Drunk Mads

#youonlycollegeonce

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

I just tricep crunched a Kate spade

[Laurel Bishop @LaurelBishop]

Drunk guy (falls on floor)
Drunk friend “I think he wants you to save him”
@drunkmads “I ain’t Jesus, I can’t save him”

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Which is the best way to say "I'm drunk":

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Eyefuck me and give me healthcare benefits

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

*when the bar back picks up the sticky alcohol soaked receipt off the bar* 'what, my dear lady disdain?!"

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Don't let anyone ever tell you you can't
That's why I have two sour creams

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

I ate ice cream in the dark and I knew it was a snickerdoodileycookilydookiely cream kind of flavor.

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

I don't want to date any of these guys I just want to talk shit to them about their favorite sports team.

[Laurel Bishop @LaurelBishop]

"This guys a defense man, I can tell by the size of his stuck!" - @drunkmads

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Bar Kevin's pizza hasn't showed up yet but I'm ready to go to bed what do I do?

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

@bentoncampbell1 Well I don't like the flavor of your attitude Benton

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

If you're a cougar, you've got more options for the rest of your life

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

You either gotta own it or ya gotta not not nope nope don't.

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

I want nice stuff for Christmas like a down blanket, a diamond necklace, and a trampoline.

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

I am 5000% cookie right now

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Lord have mercy on my soul, my chocolate chip soul

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Just in time for fall: Pumpkin Spice Margaritas

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Is it racist that I think every ginger I see is @bentoncampbell1 ??

[Drunk Mads @drunkmads]

Joyce is a nice name, what's it short for, rejoice?