rachel ray

Everything is better with bourbon

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

How do I have a hangover at night?
I probably shouldn't be drinking so much on my talk show...
PSYCHE

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

It's true. I'm a whore

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

So basically I've been on a month long crack binge and I sent @DrunkInaGarten to China where she is being anything but#FOOLPROOF

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

"Bitch you gave us chlamidia" so I said FINE I'll just go back to my classy suburban mansion and here I am.

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

In a factory that produces really low quality food. I then came back to the hood to get some more rocks from my bitches but they were like

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

And stole all of her GOOD cheese and GOOD balsamic vinegar (which I am currently eating) and sent @DrunkInaGarten to Shanghai to work

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Shank which I used to make her sweet peaks not so sweet. I then kidnapped Jeffery (he's currently in my basement)

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

With my face smothered by her sweet peaks. Luckily I #MAKEITAHEAD by grabbing her cheap wine glasses and breaking it in order to make a

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

What I didn't know was that the bitch has got momentum on her side. So basically I end up pinned against a wall

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

And it will be #FOOLPROOF So I go to the ham proms and she serves cheap wine so I basically took my earrings off and put my ghetto face on

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

It to me. So I called @DrunkInaGarten up and said "why don't we get together for tea" she said sure I'll have my private plane pick you up

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Yeah we got that shit too. We'll it turns out that @DrunkInaGarten purposefully injected Jeffery with chlamidia and told h to come and give

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Chlamidia and that I can no longer hang out with my trailer trash bitches so I say "hell naw" and go to talk to my bitches and they say

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

"Hey I like rocks" so we bonded over that shit. So cut to a month later and my good for nothing husband calls and tells me that I have

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Warehouse party that they knew about. From here I kind of black out. I only remember that they kept talking about "rocks" and I said

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Give me one. Turns out that it was what they called "sweet leaf". So me and these hoes decided to party. We got in my limo and went to this

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

So we roll up and there's these white girls in the parking lot smoking what looked like cigarettes so I told those trailer trash bitches to

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

I knew there was another liqueur store in the hood so I thought "fuck it" and told my driver to take me there. (Good thing I wasn't driving)

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Some condoms but my these stupid suburban bitches said that this was a liqueur store so I told them to shove it.

[rachel ray @drunkrachelray]

Oh my god I have such a long story to tell. After my last tweet I tried to go to the liqueur store to get some more bourbon. I also wanted