Not Jake Davis

Pro beer chugger. Continuously seeking for the best dip on the market. Struggle with FIFA free kicks. Ultimate baseline grinder on the tennis court. Coug Hunter

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

I mix Grizzly Watermelon longcut with Copenhagen Vanilla pouches all the time

[Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA Esq. @ParikPatelCFA]

The masculine urge to buy every dip

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

@Grammarly Dry

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

@SrivatsPrakash Do not play frisbee on Friday night. Play Power Hour instead.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Chugging a six-pack of Natty Light a day is one of the best investments you can make!

[JJ Redick @jj_redick]

From 2004-2006, I would have made a bag 💰 on NIL endorsements. Sadly- I would have blown it all on Natty Light and Lacoste polos (with the collars popped, of course).

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

What does this mean in Fantasy terms?

Should I draft Raiders D/ST 1st overall? Was planning on picking @TheRealOJ32 but might reconsider

[Arash Markazi @ArashMarkazi]

Las Vegas Raiders defensive end Carl Nassib is the first active NFL player to announce he is gay. He made the announcement today on Instagram.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

My body is still ready to play a few hours after pounding a 12-pack of Keystone

In fact, I play better when I'm hammered

[Darren Rovell @darrenrovell]

Why I don’t believe narrative that Jordan’s “Flu Game” was really a hangover game: Pro athletes who played in the 1980s were uniquely skilled at getting drunk and coming ready to play 18 hours later. It was the opposite of “body as temple” era.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Damn they go hard in 🇷🇸Srbija

Might have to pay a visit to my freshman Vladimir. Still remember when he paid for a 12-pack of Keystone and I drank 11 of them

He better invite me to the clubs in Belgrade then I'll steal his chick

#YugoslaviaTour

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Sup ladies!

I was chillin' in my backyard, reading FHM and drinking a 40 of Old E when some Neanderthal scrub stole my wallet

Let's face it. No way I can buy beer & dip w/o my ID in Utah

Any volunteers to help? (Only dimes)

I'm a great tipper (& rapper)

#QuarantineProblems

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

💥BREAKING💥 I just released #COVIDー19 from my beastly organism.

Shotgunned a full can of the original Four Loko and a few minutes later coronavirus was gone. Good luck in free agency, turd! #GFU

Time to take a fat dip to celebrate.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Today, Friday 13th, I tested positive for coronavirus today. Classic.

Going to the hospital is for the weak. I'll quarantine myself and try to find a home-made cure.

Will keep you guys posted.

#COVID19

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

I like this French kid. Dry ass ball-boys should peel bananas, open Mountain Dew cans and help players spot the hottest chicks on the stands. #ThanksForTheBeeeeeeJ

[Alex Theodoridis @AlexTheodorid1s]

So this is the moment where Elliot Benchetrit asks the ballkid to peel his banana. I’m glad the umpire (John Blom) stepped in and told him off.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Yo @AB84 I'm an up and coming rapper from Utah. I may have been overlooked so far but I guarantee I'll be an All Pro soon. Probably Mt. Rushmore caliber artist. Do you wanna collab on my next album "The wettest"?

[BroBible @BroBible]

AB got ALL the attention he could've handled in 2019. https://t.co/10mvBKpi5r

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Reminds me of someone, 8 years ago in Spokane. Safety first, fellas. When icy, less dip & more salt.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

I think Witten's veteran leadership could definitely take my Fantasy team to the promised land. If I get the #1 overall draft pick, he's mine. #TeamDinosaurs

[Field Yates @FieldYates]

Jason Witten has ended his retirement and is returning to the Cowboys.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Monstars 2.0 line-up:

Player-Coach-CEO: Kim Jong-Un 🇰🇵
SG: Nick Kyrgios 🇦🇺
Bully: LaVar Ball 🇺🇸
Beast: Erik Killmonger (Wakanda)
GOAT {*Zero Hustle On Defense}: @dryKillaJ 🇺🇸

#SpaceJam2

[SpringHill @makespringhill]

July 16, 2021 🎥🏀🥕 #SaveTheDate

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

This chick might be ranked #118, but she's a sure-fire Top 10 in my heart. I would gladly be her hitting partner, stringer, chauffeur, nutritionist and lifestyle guru at the upcoming BNP Paribas Open. God bless 🇭🇺 Hungary or whatever Yugoslavian country she is from.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

This fella plays ball the right way. Gotta bust your ass on defense, unlike most NBA divas like James Harden. You have earned a post-match 30 rack of Keystone, big boy.

[Dirty Sports @TheDirtySports]

When your starting offensive tackle decides to try basketball 😱

[I'm Shmacked @ImShmacked]

It's officially that "wear a sweater in the morning regret it in the afternoon" type of weather.

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

Beast ⚾ 🐻 https://t.co/jkkWuqp0dW

[Not Jake Davis @dryKillaJ]

I'm on team Pillar on this one guys. It's like if a server hits the serve way before I'm ready to return. Such a dirty turd. https://t.co/RrL4J1Ci7W

[Deadspin @Deadspin]

MLB is investigating Kevin Pillar's apparent homophobic slur toward opposing pitcher: https://t.co/OdxvHFG2Kn