Daniel

I place ones and zeros in beautiful patterns. Part-time dragon tamer. Interested in all things web, information security, and frivolous words. 0x

[ali @probablyalissa]

“kill them with kindness” wrong. crow attack
🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍��🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

I enjoy holding the door open for people who are far away so they feel like they have to run a little.

[beasts of yore @beastsofyore]

From 1863 the London Underground used the large Talpidae family of mole to transport people around the city. Although they had impeccable timekeeping skills they were replaced by electric trains in 1945 following the Mayday Mornington Crescent mole massacre which left 54 dead.

[Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness]

I used to be the coolest kid in the 90s with a Windows 3.1 desktop. Now I have people on the train telling me that my phone’s flashlight is on

[Stephen Lee @StephenBaeFleek]

I just ate a kid's meal at McDonald's. His mom tried to stop me but I'm too fast

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

I can't remember names. It's my Apollo's heel.

[A Dad Influence @gbergan]

I went to an Irish bar once, and when I turned around everyone was gone.

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

Establish dominance at your wedding by saying “You’ll do” instead of “I do.”

[Barbara Parisi 🌻🇺🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @OpenAirPix]

Me: How much for the danger noodle?

Pet store manager: Ma’am that’s a snake

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

Don't trust anyone taking notes on graph paper. They're probably plotting something.

[meghan @deloisivete]

How to kidnap me

[Maddy 👗👟👒🍃☂️ @MadHatterMommy]

Is Mark short for something like Markathon?

[The Last Unicorn YouKnow @Scorpio1080]

Back in my day, it was a game of dodge ball where you found out who didn't like you.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I had full intentions of seizing the day but I’m gonna poke it with a spork instead.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

I've learned that with great power comes great utility bill.

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

How many eggs do I need to dye this weekend to be absolved from my sins/war crimes

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Me, first day as a paramedic: …I think he’s dea…Hey! Welcome back, champ!