Mo

[Mo @duckymcfly]

Not to be ableist but if I had an outie bellybutton I’d kill myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[cav empty @cavempty_]

i have to run 8 miles today what are some good cars to get hit by so i can cut it short

[suki @soupkis]

you might be someone’s nothingburger but you’re my everythingbagel

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

Was getting a little flustered thinking I overcooked the potatoes and my bf goes “potatoes are very forgiving” and it was just so powerful I hope everyone can one day experience the forgiveness of a potato

[deedee megadoodoo @givemebudlight]

no comment from Charlie Kirk about the 4th of July. extremely unpatriotic of him.

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

YAY

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

Mpreg Elvis be like "woah mama,i can feel it kickin"

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

The smartphone really revolutionized the waiting room. Oh I get 20 minutes to look at my phone? Don’t mind if I do. The only problem is sometimes when I’m looking at my phone at home my home starts to feel like a waiting room and I realize it is and I’m just waiting to die

[milk drinker 3.0 ☦️ @milkisgood4you_]

I cant believe its been 250 years since 9/11

[ً @cryst6ls]

it probably feels good as fuck to be bald on a windy day

[freakbob 🌈🎀 @loserpartyy]

No I'm not celebrating July 4. I'm celebrating July 14 because that's spongebob's birthday and that's more important

[Lester bangs @st3llab1ue]

I accidentally just said “ain’t no sweat off my dick” to a group of customers

[Lark @king_of_limb]

had a few too many meads and wrapped my noble steed around a telephone pole

[normal @35yearoldfriend]

There should be an app that lets you drunk text other people’s exes

[Ienka @ankyheidi]

fuuck i unleashed close personal friend behaviour on a regular friend again

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

One firework is enough to get the point across

[🦇 @psychovampiree]

as a friend the only thing ill do behind your back is look at your ass

[bxnny @bxnny_40]

my mother just be walking around undiagnosed bruh

[i think @kutaiuranium]

doing sex work to afford angry birds microtransactions

[ᶜᵒᵘʳᵗ @tropicaIghost]

if god is real a piano will fall from the sky directly on top of me tomorrow