Lil me

If I am wichu I am wichu………………

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

If you still can’t beat the heat even at home with two fans, here’s the trick.
Just go out of your house for 5-10 minutes. You would want to come back!

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

You go to a nice hotel, the waiter treats you very well, brings in a guy of the same ethnic group, so you are comfortable enough to speak and even brings in a chef with the same name as you, all a great experience until he says
“Please give a good review on Google”

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

@Jaatankwadiyah He is hearing his own breath and got confused.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Is it possible that some ‘bugs’ introduced by the big companies are a strategic move to lure people into something?
For example, in MacBook, every 15 minutes, Music app pops up and forces me to look at it. No matter how many times I close, it pops up! @Apple wants me to buy?

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

You’re walking in a remote place. A woman is walking towards you.
She feels safe if you are:
- a woman with/without kids
- a man with kids
- an old man
- a person with a woman partner.

If you’re a man with/without other men, unfortunately you’re automatically suspicious.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Sure forced labour is illegal.
But aren’t we in a subtle way “forced” to do labour?
Try not working, who will pay for your WiFi, protein powder becomes unaffordable, cleaning robots are under strike. What’s life if you can’t buy the things you need or love?
You think you’re free

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

I can’t stop watching… it’s like I am caged and can’t break out of this prison.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

.@Netflix could you please add a ‘block’ option on shows?
Currently I am in a toxic relationship with Prison Break. The first time I watched, it was serious and now it’s comedy.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Listening to your favourite songs is like a child obsessing over its favourite toys. Play it too much, gets boring. The trick? Hide it for a while. Your favourite songs stay forever fresh.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Political parties are like a long married but unhappy husband and wife.
Whatever the wife says, husband wants to say the opposite.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

.@hm seriously? Who the f wears like that?
Did you underpay your stylist?

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

If an introvert has to go to a Harry Potter party, what do you think they will be dressed as ?

An Invisible Cloak

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Okay, .@chelseaperetti and .@nealbrennan look so alike!

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Adding another example to Einstein’s theory of relativity,
It feels like, it takes a longer time to go to a friend’s place and is a shorter time while coming back home in the same route.
(For some people it’s the opposite way)

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Also, why do Ellen fans keep giving her a round of applause for every line? It’s like how cricket fans dance and celebrate for every boundary! At least boundaries are funny.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

.@EllenDeGeneres: For your approval (@netflix) watch from 14:00 minute
Your chickens don’t give you an egg. YOU take their eggs! So you mean your chicken said “Hey Ellen! Since you let me fall asleep on your lap, take my unborn egg and eat it”?

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

@meelonmuskusa I actually saw Swastika.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

Can we please change the phrase “kill two birds with one stone” to something like “feed two birds with one nut “ because I am vegan?

Second of all, who the fuck wants to kill two birds for no reason? It’s absolutely mental.

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

@bryansgunn Imagine their smelly breaths eeewww

[Lil me @dude_comeon]

When a man is crying, the worst advice to give are “man up”, “don’t cry like a girl” etc. Let the man cry dude! It’s only human.