Duff Man

The Official Account of The Simpsons© Duff Man. Ooooohh Yeeaaaa!

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

You know what's hotter than a guy with lots of tattoos ladies?

A guy with a job.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Hey I used to date you, and this is crazy, but I really miss you, text me first maybe?

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

So everyone has a dent in the front of their car that is the exact same size as their ex, right?

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

I wonder if in 20 years some washed up Internet based channel will do a show called “Behind the Tweet”

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

#LilWayneOnceSaid "Weezy F Baby and the F is for phenomenal" And i was like... wtf?

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

If it's with your cousin, you can't get pregnant. Right?

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

The guy who went to LinkedIn and stole 6.5 million passwords should be easy to find since he's the guy who went to LinkedIn.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

#BlackDirection Harryaniqua, Zaynquasia, Niallisha, Liamoneesha and Louishondria.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

I wanna write a Grease prequel where they're all in their 30s.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Goes out for his 21st birthday, designated driver #badluckbrian

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Just once I'd like to hear a bride and groom say "last one standing wins" instead of "til death do us part".

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Pro tip: Fill your babies' daddies' voicemail boxes with baby crying so there's no room for messages from other hoes.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Coffee is a great way to fool yourself into believing you're going to have a productive day.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Raven would do that. That's so Raven.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

BRIS IS HOW WE JEW IT

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

When I make love to a woman twice in one day, during the second time I scream out "REEEEEEMMMIIIIIIIX!!!!"

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Wouldn't it be cool if, right about now, silhouettes of spaceships were seen escaping Venus, visible against the glowing Sun.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Dance like no one is watching or just stop dancing in public you weirdo.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

The second Pop-Tart exists solely to hammer home the self-loathing initiated by the first Pop-Tart.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Happy June 5th! Today isn't a holiday, but you're alive and well, so why not celebrate?