Phil

I stand by the side of my wife whilst everyone pays attention to her

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Hoping they won't name the baby "Hashtag".

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Pffft, my wife could do that.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

I'm just glad there weren't many cameras around back in my day.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

This hospital food isn't up to much. Thinking of trying "Don't you know who I am?".

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Possible, but still ##rryroryiylpp9,wu

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Christmas without having to listen to the wife. Wonderful.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Watching "How racist are you?" on Channel 4. If those brown eyes stay there for too long they'll turn into blue eyes.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Hope the wife doesn't act on her threat to issue a decree to get the TV switched over to the X-Factor.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Watching the dancing. Going to ring up for Anton.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Ugh, the wife has been on here trying to get her iPod working, and has somehow managed to install Safari.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

My wife has just been given an iPod. Checking how much they go for on eBay.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

It's ridiculous, as I met a black person 30 years ago, on a visit to a coal mine. He might not have been naturally black, thinking about it.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Everyone has been looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something, like I've never seen a black person before.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

My idiot son is in Brazil. It's nice to not having him constantly asking about the wife's health.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Re-opened a primary school today. Kids can't draw for shit.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

The wife's still encouraging people to buy TVs. I've had to get another as she keeps re-watching her own damn coronation and Noel's HQ.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Ugh, had @ruskin147 round today and he patronisingly explained what Twitter is. I know what it is! At least it wasn't that awful Witchell.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Went shooting today. Did a drive-by on some pheasants from my land rover.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

Suggested Dame Carol Thatcher to the wife. She says she'll think about it.

[Phil @dukeofedinburgh]

The recent increase in Twitter usage shows that my wife's subjects clearly still know we know what's best for them.