Dustin Anderson

Lindsay's husband

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

I told my wife I want to be a comedian and she laughed. Good start?

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

For someone who’s “not as funny as he thinks he is” I definitely say a lot of funny things

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

There are 2 types of people:
1. People who pee in pools
2. Liars

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

Do one thing every day that scares you.
Do two things every day that scare everybody else.
That way they’ll all be really scared and you’ll only be a little bit scared.

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

Find 3 hobbies:
One to make you healthy
One to make you smart
One to make you money
One to make you better at math

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

@DailyLoud Hey that’s me

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

@POTUS Everybody be nice to the president. He’s doing a great job.

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

People who don’t pee in the shower need to get over themselves

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

@theREAL_JimmyJ @Espngreeny @Stugotz790 is so funny he’s not even good at his job

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

People who think they’re funnier than they really are are their own kind of funny

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

You know that dream where Leonardo DiCaprio is singing a Toby Keith song to a group of kids and your wife is singing along a little too loud so you shush her but then she sings louder? I had that one again last night but this time I didn’t have any pants on.

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

When I was in first grade my friend Hal Holbrook ratted me out for peeing on the bathroom floor. I don’t know where he is in 2020, but I hope he has a disappointing weekend.

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

Everybody Loves Raymond except Debra

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

For every sport they cancel have to give us each a box of ice cream sandwiches. Not the Great Value ones. The good ones. Klondike Dark Chocolate.

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

If Kamala Harris is so smart how come I’ve never seen her on Jeopardy?

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

BREAKING: the next election will have almost no impact on your life

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

@ryanqnorth A lot of mental gymnastics here to save a few seconds at the family reunion. That said...

Nepheunuch

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

@StephenKing Unfortunately, that wouldn’t end the nightmare. Trump is not the problem, he is a symptom.
Discussion of the real problem here:
https://t.co/jW2y7CBO3v

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

@maddiegill13 On my way

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

Just spent 30 minutes trying to teach evolution to people who believe in ghosts and witches. I’m taking the rest of the day off.

[Dustin Anderson @dustinfromclass]

How sad would it be to be married to whoever named it better-than-sex cake?