Dave Ellis

Beancounter, husband, dad and distinctly average village cricketer

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@ThreshedThought You’ve put this news out way too early. There’s no water here or at St John’s. Get a grip…

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@BroughCooper

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

Lovely day at #bodiamcastle @southeastNT but left wondering if the kids’ flapjacks could be cut up any smaller. Ingredients sticker larger than pudding!

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

Water. Water of Life! Jesus, no, @sewateruk gives us the Water of Life. 8 days of chaos (and that’s just this month), numerous trips to get water and to help my mum. I can’t wait for the fabulous compensation package #SouthEastWater

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@sewateruk Morning! Morning started a while ago anyway. Any specific update for Tunbridge Wells? 11:59? Yes I can look at the website, but the effortlessness in which you amend the completion time and dates is currently the most impressive aspect of #southeastwater

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@sewateruk So. You have failed at providing a basic running water service. Now you have failed at attempting to run bottled water stations. What are you trying your hand at next? I suggest starting small - maybe a piss up in a brewery #southeastwater #TunbridgeWells

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@sewateruk And we’re out again. Like clockwork at 7pm. Absolute peak time for families. Can we expect another 12 hour outage? Spose I should be grateful for your incompetence running to time #southeastwater

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@sewateruk Raining heavily, but you can’t provide water to thousands of people. Never mind, my reservoirs of patience and funds have dropped. We can discuss how much I’m willing to pay my next bill - I’ll be available at a really inconvenient location until 9pm tomorrow #southeastwater

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@sewateruk @GregClarkMP Thanks. Although not sure I understand why there would be a situation where compensation is not due? We pay for a service, and that service has failed.
Maybe shelve the dividend payments until you have reinvested in infrastructure that can cope with the cold?

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@ThatsSoVillage Tea maker caught short by bogus rain forecast. His excuse for this abomination of double crust filled with shop bought egg mayo. Surprisingly last sandwich on the plate
https://t.co/K0xncreapz

[Tom Cary @TomCary1]

@CricketNosh This is a highlight of any season Thanks to @eridgecricket #doublecruster #doorstop #crickettea

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@AWSStats has anyone ever carried their bat in two innings (second innings following on)?

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@rld_23 “He’s just stood there”

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@BroughCooper Still one of the most random moments in tele and sport combined

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@46linx46 Feels like one for @Ben_Wisden and @miller_cricket. Get this guy on your stat team!

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@BroughCooper @michael_simkins They’re not going to shag you mate

[Jarrod Kimber @ajarrodkimber]

Here is my complete dissection of the greatest moment of bad cricket I’ve seen.

Huge thanks to @EuropeanCricket for allowing me to use the footage.

Big foot junkies look at the Patterson-Gimlet footage less than I watched this.

https://t.co/dZn6wCpuHu

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

This 10pm curfew has done wonders for the accuracy of my stated home time prediction

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

Went to the park, a bird crapped on me, but then my @FugglesBeerCafe order was waiting on my doorstep when I got home. So every cloud...

[Dave Ellis @dwe83]

@BroughCooper Roses are red
Mine’s a pint of Harvey’s
We’re going to a super over
You are kidding me!