Em

Thanks for vibing it and keeping it tight. If you need me, I'm on my mobile.

[Em @eac1022]

“not all men”

you’re right, the 12-foot Home Depot skeleton would never do this to me

[Em @eac1022]

I hope heaven feels like listening to my son laugh and play on a lazy Sunday afternoon

[Em @eac1022]

fingers crossed for more “Ben Affleck smoking cigarette” memes to come out of this divorce from JLo

[Em @eac1022]

live reaction of me receiving the notification from daycare that my toddler only napped for 40 minutes today

[Em @eac1022]

Me, with all the love and care in my soul: “I love you!”

My son: *extended dinosaur roar right in my face*

That means “I love you too” in toddler-language, right?

[Em @eac1022]

I am “getting 40 cents off per gallon through my Hyvee Rewards was the highlight of my week” years old

[Em @eac1022]

I take it so personally when the floor or stairs creak loudly when I walk on them. Why is my own house calling me FAT

[Em @eac1022]

My son just threw up out of nowhere which means we’re in for another stomach bug this week

[Em @eac1022]

daycare messages: “Ellis ate all of his lunch today! We had vegetarian chili, apricots, and French bread!”

my toddler when I try to serve him anything other than chicken nuggets at home: “ucky!!!!!!! no!!!!!!!!” *throws plate on the ground*

[𝕽𝖆𝖈𝖍 ♡ (rachleahx) @xrachaelxoxo]

they’re sisters!

[Em @eac1022]

when you ask me how I am and I say “living the dream,” this is actually what I mean:

[Em @eac1022]

@ethanocrane

[Em @eac1022]

URGENT: how do I explain to my toddler who barely understands English that Hyvee was completely out of raspberries

[Em @eac1022]

God gives his hardest battles (staying awake during a car ride) to his toughest soldiers (me, very sleepy)

[Em @eac1022]

my husband’s beige flag is that he says “you’ve earned it” to any self-serving decision I make, even if I decidedly have *not* earned it

[Em @eac1022]

the Sudafed and antibiotic meeting in my stomach to fight my sinus infection

[Em @eac1022]

n case you’re wondering what having a toddler is like, my son has been fascinated with people’s eyeballs lately, and tries to touch them. He’s touched my eyes so much in the past few days that I now have pink eye. Help

[Em @eac1022]

guys idk how many more “enter the six digit code texted to your phone” I have left in me

[Em @eac1022]

Signing all my work emails like “If you have questions, don’t. Hesitate to ask!”

[Em @eac1022]

It’s “stop working early and go have a beer on a patio” degrees outside

[lil bump stock @m_booker1]

if i had a nickel for every time the super bowl matchup was 49ers/Chiefs in an year where the US presidential election was between Biden/Trump i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice