eagleyeB101

[𝖒𝖔𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖌 💎🐾 @wanted4mogging]

Having BPD as a man is incredibly uniquely hard because the disorder is characterized by two main things

- an immense fear of abandonment
- extreme emotional intensity and volatility

It can be argued that men have an advantage in being able to manage this because baseline emotional control is higher, and I do think a man also has a higher chance of at least having the sense of accountability to stop himself from doing terrible things as a result of this emotional volatility (aside from aggression if the man’s BPD manifests that way, though mine never has), but when it comes to intersexual relationship dynamics those two characteristics make it an especially difficult experience as a man

While women with BPD are often romanticized for their clinginess and obsession it is precisely these traits which make it so hard as a man

Let’s take the exacerbated fear of abandonment first. This one is EXTREMELY difficult because women are naturally prone to abandonment

It’s commonly talked about that it only takes a small ick for many women to lose all of their love for a man in practically an instant. How much of this is gender war ragebait vs truth is hard to say, it lands somewhere in the middle for sure and varies from woman to woman but what is true is that a woman’s attachment is far more fleeting than a man’s

Men are naturally more sexually polygamous but their emotional attachment and loyalty is far less prone to fluctuation. It is hard for a man who has fallen in love to fall out of love. It is easy for a woman to fall out of love, common in fact

This presents a unique difficulty as a BPD male, their disorder by nature leads to over analysis of signs of abandonment and her falling out of love. This coupled with the fact that women practically never communicate this falling out of love but do it through gradual reduction of affection make it incredibly difficult not to read into things too deeply, because it is hard to tell what is even too deep not. A normal mentally healthy man already has to play the games of nonverbal communication with a woman nonstop to detect her love for him, a man with BPD is basically playing on expert difficulty in this field

As a result there are basically two coping mechanisms with this:

1) You can choose to genuinely ignore any feeling of abandonment entirely and put on blinders to any perceived signals, essentially walking yourself blindfolded through schrodingers minefield, you don’t actually know if there are mines there at all until you step on one. They may just be perceived signs of abandonment or they may be real, genuine signals that the love for you in her heart has faded, you have no way to tell because you are already immensely unreliable in your ability to interpret this regardless. You have to always assume the best possible outcome because you risk sabotaging something good, and this means that you must put yourself at risk of that heartbreak with no preemptive defences

2) You can reduce your attachment to the point where you can be indifferent to whatever the outcome is. Unfortunately even for a normal mentally healthy person a breakup is painful, with BPD it’s practically incomprehensible to imagine any way to emotionally cope with it. The solution is to sever that attachment preemptively. This is generally what is seen in “splitting”, and it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism because it sabotages emotional connection which could have been very additive and valuable to your life

One thing to add of note is that as a man “communicating” is less of an option, because a man’s need for reassurance is typically an ick in and of itself. Women are the unforgiving and judgemental sex, and if you reveal perceived shortcomings and a lack of confidence in your ability to keep her then that’s a recipe to drive her away. This meshes terribly with BPD as it plays against that instinct entirely

Following that with the heightened emotional volatility and intensity, while some women who are addicted to danger may get off on this if it manifests as aggression it is a far different story if it manifests as sadness, anxiety and insecurity

The notion that BPD basically just "makes you a woman" is not entirely far off. emotional mood swings and extreme attachment and insecurity, this is basically just putting a woman's emotional mind in the body of a man. This is extremely difficult because women want to date a man, not a woman, and they seek masculine personality traits to balance out their own femininity. This in an of itself is another force which can drive her away from you and makes it an extremely difficult experience to live with this disorder as a man. Very few women can put up with this for long, there is a limited battery for how much she can handle. A variation of a post on this website which always goes viral every so often is something along the lines of "emotionally opening up to a woman is like going to the future and shooting yourself". It really can feel like this, it as i said before makes the "communication" and "reassurance" a very difficult thing to navigate. Women's logical side has practically nothing to do with their emotional side, if she can logically understand why you feel that way and sympathize with you it isn't guaranteed to stop it from affecting how she feels about you. You need to exercise self control and prevent that side of you from taking over. Blasting supra-physiological amounts of testosterone is so far the only thing which has helped me with this. Although many psychiatrists hate this because it violates their egalitarian worldview, the reality is that while it "shouldn't" have to be this way it simply is: you need to MAN UP

With regards to coping mechanism 1 for the fear of abandonment, althought it is foolish i do believe this is still the more beneficial route to take. Although it is certainly a fool's game it is still better than sabotaging every good relationship which comes into your life. It is easier to feel like you are better off alone but there is no escaping this yearning as you naturally are. BPD truly is the hopeless romantic's disorder as it does have one common "cure", and that cure is a long-term stable romantic relationship. This is statistically shown to bring practically EVERYONE who achieves it into remission with enough time, and a normal happy emotionally fulfilling life can be lived

Of course in practice this is easier said than done because your BPD is doing everything in its power to prevent that "long-term" and "stable" aspect of it from playing out, your job is to prevent yourself from ruining the love which is your cure. With a little bit of agency, accountability and self control as hard as it may be you can become a hopeful romantic, you just need to stop yourself dead in your tracks in those small moments which threaten to collapse everything you have built up. By your own doing you can ruin trust and love which took you ages to build up, and you must stop yourself from doing this. You will never be able to control her choosing to do this, but by removing yourself as a variable from the equation of "who will ruin my relationships" you vastly increase the chance of making it to the finish line, it only takes her to do right by you as well

The biggest point for me to hammer home is you must trust, even when it is blind, even when it feels irrational. A woman can love you with her whole heart and still act like she despises every fibre of your being for a night because you used the wrong tone of voice to her. With BPD you will not be able to accurately separate moments like these from true losses of love, so the answer is to stop trying to perceive the difference entirely. Love and trust until that love and trust is broken by the other, or until it is not. And if it is not, you have made it to the end and the life and love you had always hoped for is waiting for you

And if it is, i pray for you because i know that it will hurt, but you will get through it. your rational mind knows it will, but when your emotional mind takes over that voice is gone. You must simply cross your fingers that it does not reach this point and if it does, well i am still not progressed with my self development enough to really know any way to tell you how to cope

Someone once said everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay it's not the end. Try to always remember that

[alexei @alexeixbt]

neuroscience fact: your brain can't install new habits while you're shaming yourself through the old ones. cortisol blocks learning. compassion opens it. you can't bully a brain into growth.

[Curious Minds @CuriousMindsHub]

Use your phone less.
Use your phone less.
Use your phone less.
Use your phone less.

Because attention is not free.

[Sasha Putilin (curious irrationalist) @42irrationalist]

type of guy to commit suicide by slowly changing himself until he’s a completely different person.

[Alex Hormozi @AlexHormozi]

You just have to fucking try.

[dee ♡ @hersbydefault]

you can literally decide today that everything before today was irrelevant. nobody is forcing you to keep carrying an old identity.

[Alex Hormozi @AlexHormozi]

Everything you want is on the other side of not giving a fuck, asking again, and taking another shot. Life gives you endless lottery tickets to try and you only need one win to change your life forever .

[Become A Saint @BeSaintly]

When I was in high school it was music that actually shook off all the atheism arguments for me.

How can something like this be
>perfectly designed to our ears, minds and hearts
>be replicated in mathematics
>visible in the smallest parts of nature
>observable in the movements in the universe
>and also be something that we are able to create & try to mimic?

It’s unreal the more you consider it

[Tantric Turanist 🇫🇮🇺🇦 @cornu__copia]

It's interesting how it seems like that women should actually lead foreign policy (they do not start retarded wars) and men should lead social and welfare policy (they do not empathize with bums and criminals), but we live in a world where it's the opposite.

[🍂 @Lovandfear]

C. S. lewis with maybe the greatest paragraph ever written on love

[Sami Gold @souljagoyteller]

There is no singular answer, it’s a mixture of the worst type of economic restructuring done to the Eastern bloc cartelizing the entire economy, a dearth of strong political parties, too powerful an executive, Yeltsin’s anti-democratic tendencies, patronage networks, & election rigging, the remaining presence of the nomenklatura, and, perhaps most importantly, Russia’s size and diversity incentivizing a strongman system to keep the country together

[Anish Moonka @anishmoonka]

Estimates of how strong a man looks account for more than 70 percent of how attractive his body is rated. Add height and leanness and the figure climbs to 80 percent, leaving everything else in the world to share what remains.

Aaron Sell and colleagues assembled three separate sets of photographs of men's bodies. One group of raters guessed how physically strong each man was. A different group rated the same bodies for attractiveness. Those raters never saw the strength numbers and were told nothing about the point of the first task. Proceedings of the Royal Society B published the results in 2017.

Across all three photograph sets, the strength estimates tracked the attractiveness ratings closely enough to explain most of the differences between men. Tallness and leanness added a further slice on top.

A popular idea says there is a ceiling, that men get more attractive up to a point and then start looking like cartoons. The data showed no such turn. In every sample, the men judged strongest were also judged most attractive, right to the top of the range.

Photographs of standing bodies are a narrow slice of what happens between two people, and raters were scoring strangers they would never meet. Estimated strength also stands in for muscle, posture and shoulder width, so some of that 70 percent is the eye reading shape and calling it power.

What makes the finding interesting is where the theory came from. Sell studies fighting ability and bargaining power in early human groups, and the prediction was that women's attention would still be tuned to a cue that mattered when protection was a daily problem. The bodies confirmed it more cleanly than he expected. https://t.co/iz2QN1dxHY

[Jash Dholani @oldbooksguy]

it's crazy that Goethe was dropping these bangers in his private journals 200 years before the internet

[liminal @Liminal1988]

Wanting positive experience is a negative experience,...

[Woland ⚜🇵🇸 @stendhalist]

Will never stop talking about this. It's not even Marx and Engels, it's until before WW1. Stefan Zwieg:

[Naida | Inscendence @OInscendence]

Passion will save you. It will help you conquer every hell & every force. There is no illness of the soul it will not burn. It is the death of fear, of shame. Death of pride. Passion will make you knock at any door. Have you face that which you are weak against & overcome it.

[Ochuko @DavidAmhewroro]

it is an unwritten rule of life that after every prolonged period of hardship and uncertainty, there is going to be a period when you are going to achieve quantum leaps across multiple areas of your life. the only requirement is that you do not give up on yourself.

[blue @bluewmist]

my therapist told me:
"if you're an anxious person, do everything for fun. go to a job interview for fun. exercise for fun. start a blog for fun. anxiety feeds on importance. don't treat everything like a life-or-death situation."
and then it all made sense.

[official AI optimist account @gasnerpants]

the history of the domestic cat is the history of a species’s encounter with an alien superintelligence in which that superintelligence is quickly aligned and its forces used to secure superabundance and lasting prosperity