ediana

cw:74kg lw:62kg sw:95kg gw:55kg height 175cm

[ediana @edianarex]

Waiting for my omad get me feeling like a dying victorian child

[ediana @edianarex]

When I binge I find comfort in food
Every negative emotion leads to binge then guilt
But when I starve I find comfort in hunger
It feels so much better than binges
Feels like I have wings and a comforting friend that is always with me

[ediana @edianarex]

The hardest thing is to tolerate the first 2-3 days after binge days😭😭
The urge to binge is insufferable but once I overcome it and my stomach shrinks I become starve master 😎

[ediana @edianarex]

Today is my anniversary -20kg in 7 months
It’s so slow with all this binging/restricting 🫩
But I’m just glad that at least it happened

[ediana @edianarex]

So crazy that at bmi 20 I felt fat all the time, had zero pretty privilege
If I only knew someday I will be bmi 31
Losing/gaining a lot of weight really feels like you becoming a different person
I don’t associate myself neither with my skinny version nor fat version

[ediana @edianarex]

Idk why but it feels humiliating to me to spend a year SUFFERING in a weightloss process just to return to my normal state of body no one praised me for when I’ve had it… 😭😭

[ediana @edianarex]

Locked in so bad I lost 4 kg in a week wtf…
Wdym i lost 1.5 kg in a day
I’m afraid to feel joy cause what if my weights show +1kg tomorrow again.

[ediana @edianarex]

ate a jar of oily disgusting pistachio halwa and jar of honey with nuts
i’m so nauseous 🤢😭😢 it was worse than drinking straight up glucose syrup
I need to fast tomorrow😭😭🔫

[ediana @edianarex]

@vlvtss Why everyone’s ignoring the fact that she said later on the same live that she takes adhd medicine and it’s the reason she has low appetite, it’s a known side effect

[ediana @edianarex]

Would like to call it a maintenance week for my mental health
Except now I wanna eat junkfood all the time AGAIN when I was soo free of it
My stomach used to be so small I couldn’t even binge properly like I used to
And now I can consume 10000 cals AGAIN
Having food noise AGAIN

[ediana @edianarex]

GAINED 3KGS IN 1.5 WEEKS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
WHEN IM STARVING IM LOSING 1 KG IN 1.5 WEEKS MAX
I hate this body I hate my hormones I hate everything

[ediana @edianarex]

Will never ever ever fast again when I’m home alone
Thinking about fridge full of food
Feeling weak scares me so bad to the point of panic attack
Having nothing to do at all
God when this day will end🫩

[ediana @edianarex]

I’m so happy for you girls losing weight after a binge
Never happened to me tho😭😭

[ediana @edianarex]

the way my apple watches wristband being my weightloss indicator 🫦 kinda useful

[ediana @edianarex]

That feeling of your brain is not working properly while starving upsets me so much
Like I can’t remember simple words
The saddest thing is I don’t really care about my health:( when I reach gw can I become smart like I was before this ed or my brain damaged forever😭

[ediana @edianarex]

Fasting became much easier since starting starving
When i was fat i got severe panic attack at the end of 24hr fast and felt like I’m losing consciousness

[ediana @edianarex]

English is my second language and AT TODAY YEARS OLD I FOUND OUT THAT STARVING AND FASTING IS A DIFFERENT THINGS
I thought yall genuinely meant not eating at all when you said starving and I felt so bad that everyone is eating 0kcal and I can’t do it I’m so stupid

[ediana @edianarex]

Saw a weight drop at the morning and binged so bad😔 try not to be upset cause it’s just one day. Hope I can reset it fastly😔
I’ve noticed that I can’t binge that amount of food that I used to. And one binge doesn’t turn into a DAYS AND WEEKS of binge. I Love being smallerrr

[ediana @edianarex]

lost 19 kg and heard “you lost weight!” only ONCE.. sigh… there’s still a long way to go to be viewed at least not overweight
and all this suffering just to drop bmi 31 to 25 and still be considered overweight medically😭

[ediana @edianarex]

damn I tried healthy calorie deficit and my weight did not drop, now doing unhealthy deficit and weight decreasing SO FCKING SLOW. I blame it on PCOS gosh how I hate it