Kettle

If anyone asks, this account is currently hacked

[Kettle @Edler_John]

@Polymarket It’s January 6th already?

[Kettle @Edler_John]

What if people just occasionally love pizza

[MonitorX @MonitorX99800]

🇺🇸🇮🇱🇮🇷⚡- The Pentagon Pizza index is exploding right now;

- Domino's Pizza: 1000% spike in orders.
- Extreme Pizza: 213% spike.
- Pizzato Pizza: 217% spike.
- Papa John's: 192% spike.

[Kettle @Edler_John]

I’m confirming that I already paid my taxes for 2025 and I don’t need to pay more in mid April.

[Polymarket @Polymarket]

JUST IN: CNN reports that they've called Minnesota daycare centers & most didn't answer, but one of them "confirmed" they're not committing fraud.

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Wow. Reports coming out that everyone forgot to bring footballs for tonight’s Tennessee @ Alabama game (ABC). The game’s 7:30 kickoff is now in jeopardy until they find a gameball.

[Kettle @Edler_John]

@jamierkennedy They’re all men.

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Best tweet of my career

[Kettle @Edler_John]

The karaoke party of me (tone deaf) and RFK Jr (RKF Jr) went poorly

[Ted Cruz @tedcruz]

The idea is simple: we’re going to create an investment account for every newborn American child that the federal government will seed with $1,000.

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Being able to bet on the pope on Draftkings is awesome. But parlaying two of them cause I liked the #value really makes me question my intelligence

[Ryan Whitney @ryanwhitney6]

This deserves an Oscar

[Kettle @Edler_John]

I just cashed Jimmy Carter’s social security check

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Hi Makutu! 👋

[Dallas Zoo @DallasZoo]

Say hi to baby Makutu! 😍 Our baby chimp finally has a name. Makutu, meaning "ears" in Chichewa, was chosen because of his irresistibly adorable big ears.

He's the first chimp born here in over a decade and shares a birthday with our last chimp baby, Mshindi, born 11 years ago!

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Mummy is fuckin?

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Mummy Pig, mother of Peppa and George, announces that she is pregnant with her third child (via GMB).

[Kettle @Edler_John]

Inseminated person is hilarious. What’s even funnier is this lasts for 3 years

[Libs of TikTok @libsoftiktok]

WTF is going on in Wisconsin

[Kettle @Edler_John]

I’ve been watching the sopranos and I have to be honest - I’m getting very good at spotting problems. Like when someone disobeys Tony Soprano, I point at the TV and go “that guy is a liability��

[Kettle @Edler_John]

@lifehackjeff That’s the crazy thing - they didn’t supply the cigs for the study. So I already spent the $8m for the darts

[Kettle @Edler_John]

I was in this study

[Peachy Keenan @KeenanPeachy]

$8 million to study the effect of flavored cigarettes on bisexuals and lesbians

[Kettle @Edler_John]

I can’t believe I have to say this, but no, I’m NOT dating @BarackObama